A
female
age
36-40,
*oulou713
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. It was all great and perfect in the beginning. He used to give me flowers, we used to hang out and be happy. This was the first couple of months. After that I guess he got too comfortable with me and he stopped doing the things he used to. I see him almost every day. I sleep over his house, we have a normal sex life. The problem is ... well... everything. If I don't go over his house, he will never come to mine. I go to pick him up, I take him to work. If I don't answer his txt or call, he gets angry with me. I can't go out with friends because he feels like I'm choosing my friends over him. We txt and talk all day long, but when we see each other, we argue most of the time. He doesn't like things that I say, he thinks I'm too special :/ If I disagree with him, he gets upset and starts a fight. I spent my birthday without him, and Christmas eve and New Years eve alone because we were fighting. He seems to always find things in me that bother him. I love him and I know he loves me too... But he is just so macho, he is so selfish and his ego is just too big. he will never apologize for anything, I am the one who always calls him to say sorry. He will always show me pictures of him and instead of saying "Baby I miss u", he would say "Baby do you miss me". If we are going out to diner or any other place, he will make sure to point out to me how good he looks today and he will NEVER say how beautiful I look. He just makes me feel so... useless. I used to go out and I used to love being me. Now I hate being me... I feel like I am with a guy who likes to fight with me and put me down all the time. I see that his pride is very high and he feels so powerful, being a man. We are not married and we don't live together, but he tries to control my life. We both work but I only work part time because I go to school. I don't make as much as he makes. He always pays when we go out but I have never asked him for anything. And yet he still expects me to go to his house and clean and cook and take care of him because he believes that he is taking care of me. I can't do all of this, I feel like he has changed and has become a completely different person. He used to give me flowers, now when I ask him for flowers (yes I have to ask because he never brings me flowers anymore), his answer is... well find a guy to bring u flowers everyday... I won't do it. What happened? Why did he change? Why is he always mad? I love him and I know he loves me. We tried to give each other some space and it worked for a while but now it is the same as before. Please help me. I want to save my relationship but I don't understand why is he doing this. What is he trying to prove?
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female
reader, loulou713 +, writes (15 January 2011):
loulou713 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much for the help. You are right I shouldn't let him treat me this way. And I am working on it. I stopped sleeping over his house. I only go once per week. I will try to keep a distance in our relationship. I am not sure if I love him... I think i am very attached to him... Im just used to having him in my life. I lost many friends because of him and im afraid of being alone if we split. Im afraid to leave him ... My father recently passed away and my boyfriend has taken the male figure in my life. I am a strong person... I can take care of myself and i dont need a man to do it for me. I am not dependant of him... Its just that ive always been so afraid of being alone. And lately i have been feeling so stressed and depressed. He is a good guy when he is not mad. He is like in love with himself but when he is not mad he is nice. But his temper changes so quickly... I have stopped trying to disagree or argue with him because we always end up fighting. I didnt mention that we also work together. One of my bosses loves him and treats him like his own son. He told me that ive changed my boyfriend an he is much calmer and nicer than before. I am sorry if i keep on babling about this and i know you are right... Maybe this is not meant to be... i just dont want to let go... :( i wish he was nicer but then again... No one is perfect. I dont want perfection. I just want him to treat me the way i treat him... With love and respect. I might not get wht i want... But i know i tried. And i know deep down he is this nice and beautiful person who i met two years ago... He is just hiding under this controlling mask... Thank you again for the help :) i appreciate it :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): I don't think he has changed, it was just that he was putting on a front when he first met you, charming you etc. Quite honestly, the way he he now is probably his natural state. So if you don't like what he has become, then leave him. He is not going to turn back into Mr Nice Guy. You are letting yourself be treated like rubbish. Please read your post back and I think you'll say, I don't want to be this person who is being made to feel like this. And don't talk about love, love is about caring, respecting and cherishing your partner and I see nothing of that in his actions. Remember 'Love' is just a word and can be tossed around by manipulative people to hold someone close to them and control them. End it for your sake and find someone worthy of your affections.
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