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female
,
anonymous
writes: I asked about whether my partner cared when he went out and didn't come home till 3am in the morning, drunk. I had gone home because of not feeling well and hoped he would be at least a little concerned and come home a little earlier. This didn't happen and your responses were that people were essentially selfish and that once your boyfriend and friends are out having fun, they forget about you.But I know that I'm not like that and I would love to meet like minded people who do care about others. Is everyone like that? I think Im too sensitive but I know that if my partner wasn't feeling too good, I would have thought of him and gone home at least a little earlier to see if he was okay (probably would have cut my evening short).Is it true that good girls finish last? Should I just become selfish and put myself first? Or should I find someone who truely values me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2006): Well i just want to say i wish more people were like you. Based on my experiences in my past, I think that if someone truly loves you and they are selfish, the love will break that and he will care as much for you as he does for himelf or even more. But if your man doesn't have a change, or doesn't change based on just seeing how considerate you are, then take a little more than you have been, or else you'll rarely come out feeling loved and happy.
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (11 February 2006):
 you know how you feel and what you want which is good, there are plenty of "gentlemen" out there if you know in your mind you want better than this.
there is also the possibilty that he might change with a few talks and a little love and understanding , my husband was a little like this but he stopped being this way a year ago and not done it scince cos he realised how much it hurt it caused all he really cared about was looking after me, so if you really love this guy and you know that deep down he cares about you more than what he is doing, and dont mind a bit of hard work then ther is a chance he could change,( we all have to change and compromise a bit in relationships as long as you both are happy with each other and your life its not unreasonable)
but if you think you resent him too much already or that he couldntchange or , your hearts not in it, then yes there are men out there who would choose to come home and tuck you up in bed than to stay out unconcerened about you.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (11 February 2006):
 I have to confess I can relate to this post. No you shouldn't 'become selfish' even if you could. Your senstive, caring side is part of who you are and its part that although you might slightly resent it for the pain it brings you sometimes you should also treasure it for it makes you a very special person.
Not everybody is like your b/f and hopefully you will find somebody who does appreciate and love you for who you are. Have you talked to your b/f and told him how his actions m made you feel? Maybe you should and once you have made him aware he will behave better in the future. Hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (11 February 2006):
 It is not being selfish to put your needs first. But it is also not selfish for a partner to stay out if the other person has given permission for them to finish off a night out. After all, if I have been ill on a night out I would not expect my hubby to come back with me when all I am going to do when I get in is go to bed!! Of course if i am seriously ill he will see that and come with me anyway, but if I just feel a *little off* then why shouldn't he carry on his night out. We both feel this way as well because we both want each other to be happy and have a good time, whilst honouring each others feeling and needs.
As for good girls finishing last. That is bullfeathers. By being nice to others you feel that you finish last then go ahead and be selfish. But it won't get you any further in life. There is a difference between being nice and looking after yourself as well and being a doormat......which one are you?
I hope you find a man you can respect and who respects you. But I thik you need to stop reading an agenda into behaviour like you described. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Just he was having a good time and obviously didn't look at the clock....
Good luck and take care xxx
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A
female
reader, nofrills +, writes (11 February 2006):
 The answer is, yes they do!Putting yourself first is taking care of yourself for your own highest good and not being selfish at all.It shows that you value yourself and you should be with someone who values you just as much, no less!
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