A
male
age
30-35,
*ubberband Man
writes:I have a complex question or to me its complex. I have no idea where i stand maybe someone can help me?I am 20 years old. I have been with this amazing girl for 2 years. We both are in school. She started last September me just last week in February. Ever since she started school i noticed us drifting away. We had an awesome summer together lots of camping and trips to the beach ect. Before she started school i said i dident want us to drift apart. She laughed and assured me that wouldent happen ever. As time went on it did thought we started being close and spending less and less time together. Not talking about serious topics and the little things started to pile up. I tried my best to give her attention ect but i felt like i wasn't getting an equal amount in return.Last week she came over and it got to a point where we where just sitting in silence not saying a word to each other it was awkward. It dident make me happy i could tell she was annoyed by it to. So i piped up and said "so this is what we are now, our relation ship is dead hey?" she said well if thats what you think and ended up going home. The next day i called her and said sorry about the other night how shitty it went and how we both felt crappy. She said well you were right. We should talk. So she came over 3 times, one night after another and we would contine talking. She basicly told me that our relationship is nothing more then sex and physical stuff now, theres not meaningful anything left our personality s dont match, shes tried to give me a chance to show her, that i can give her what she wants in a relationship. She also said she could never marry me beacuse we would never work out in the long term. She couldent make a commitment like that it would be horriable to her. I told her i had planned on asking her to marry me over the past month. but she told me we are two completelty diffrent people. She loves me but its best that for her to not get hurt and continue this. She started crying and said she needs to do it for herself. I said so we are over i guess, and she nodded her head. She said if i want to be a part of her life still i can, she would love to go skiing with me still and hear all about how my school goes. I told her thats not how it works with your ex. we wont have contact we wont see each other if you dont want me as your boyfriend i dont think i could be your friend. We should focus on our own lives and i said i really hope you find someone who has a personality you are looking for. She said ok,and understood but was crying when she left. I walked her out to her car, said goodbye kissed one last time and she left. I went to bed and she called me a hour later crying even more then before. "she said i was wrong im so wrong, you deserve every chance in the world to show me that we can work. there's nothing else i want for us to work. But i said i dont get it our personalities dont match this i sent what you want. We talked all night she wanted to come back to my house but her car was stuck in the driveway. She said we where not breaking up. I comforted her and eventauly she fell asleep. I went to see her the next day after she hugged me like i havent been hugged in months and kissed with so much energy and love. I dont understand. Girls speak with their actions not words, what ive been told so does it meen she really does love me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Rubberband Man +, writes (13 February 2013):
Rubberband Man is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo what should I do then? End it? or keep trying
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 February 2013):
 Usually actions speak louder than words... but in this case I'm going to caution you to listen to what she is saying.
You are both young and still emotionally and mentally maturing... you have been with this girl since age 18 and trust me what you want at 18 is not what you want at 25 or at 30...
I can tell you that my first boyfriend and I had a long term relationship... I was 15.5 when we started dating/going steady... we were a serious teenage couple from age 15.5 for me (he was nearly 17) till I was 18. I was a senior in high school and I knew it was time for me to move on... I even told him "D we have to break OUT" I meant to say break up but the Freudian slip was very telling don't you think?
I don't know which one of us cried harder... me or him... It HURT to end something that had been such a big important part of my life for so long.... His parents cried... everyone just assumed we would be married eventually... it was not to be...
Leaving him was so hard... but i had no choice.
Sometimes what we know we need is not what we really want and even though it hurts we have to do it...
I can tell you that what this incident shows me is that while you two may stay together for a bit more... it's truly not there for her... she's probably just reacting out of hurting you and fear of being alone....
Do not get your hopes up that this reconciliation will be permanent...
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 February 2013):
 I don't think your girlfriend knows exactly how she feels. I think the logical part of her thinks you two aren't right for each other and you're too different. so i think she convinced herself she needed to break up with you. but when she actually did it, and reality set in, and she went home and had a chance to miss you, the emotional side came out. There's no doubt she seems to love you. but basically it seems like she's having a battle between her head and her heart. her head says one thing while her heart says another. basically, her head telling her to move on, while her heart says she loves you too much. for right now, her heart won out.you two are kind of back in the honeymoon stage because of this near-break up experience, which is normal. all sorts of crazy chemicals are being released in your brains right now. but i honestly don't think you're in the clear just yet. i wouldn't be too surprised if this same issue arose again in the not too distant future. Keep yourself somewhat aware.but to answer your question, yes, most women speak with their actions. you are correct about this.you seem like a really good guy. i hope this all works out for you. good luck.
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