A
female
age
30-35,
*keez
writes:Hi guys!I am having a very big problem right now and would love to have someone elses opinion on what I should do.For the past few months I have been hanging around with my friend of 8 years much more recently because we decided it would be great to move in together as I am currently trying very hard to get back to a certain city where I feel is home. I currently live at parents house, and the idea of having someone to share with made it seem as though it was going to be easier, so obviously I was thrilled to have someone to share a place with.The problem is, this certain person just a few days ago declared there love for me and has apparently liked me for 5 years. 2 years of that I was with another guy and 3 years at uni. I was obviously taken aback and really unsure how I was to deal with it, as I have never been in this position before, but I just thought i might as well give him the benefit of the doubt and act normal with him and still be friends. But that whole idea didn't work out at all. I am now angry beyond belief and really do not even want to see him. The reason why is that he told me he would have never had said anything about liking me until we had moved in. He said he assumed I liked him back so was ok with us planning on living together and basically wanted me to move in with him in the hopes we would be boyfriend and girlfriend. It makes me sick to think he would have put me in a terrible position where I would have had to live with him alone when I didn't feel the same way. He never thought perhaps I didn't like him and what it would have done to me if he had said nothing and gone through with the living contract. I feel disgusted and angry he tried to manipulate me into something so serious as that.Now my problem is, he will not stop contacting me. I told him he needs time away from me to get over it because I really do not want him thinking there is any chance for us in the future. I have avoided meeting up, he keeps asking for my work rota and which days I am free to 'see me' and its ridiculous. What do I say to make him back off? He's being very immature and needy and I just want to say in the nicest way possible that he needs to stop contacting me for a while.thanks!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 February 2013):
 You have to be 100% open and forthright with folks like this guy. You need to basically verbally "hit him over the head with a 2x4"
in other words you say
[guy's name] I'm flattered by how you feel but I have to stress that there will NEVER be anything between us but casual friendship. IF you cannot accept that and respect my need for space and privacy I will have to end our friendship altogether"
He probably will NOT listen. and he will always WANT more and try more.... so you probably will have to block him (phone, email and social media) and accept that he may become "stalker like" and if he does, that will involve telling him that if he continues his stalker like behavior you will have to bring the authorities in and get a restraining order (which will go on his permanent record)
The problem is you can't be nice to him.
You can't trust him. What he did was underhanded and manipulative and he really does not get that if he truly loved you he would want what you want and not try to trick you.
I'd be very careful around this guy... his actions reek of instability and deception and I doubt he's going to respond well to being nice.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 February 2013):
I agree with iamheretohelpyou.
Also, this guy doesn't get "the nicest way possible" : so just say what you need to say that has the effect you want it to have. Don't be mean but be as honest as you need to be.
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