A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My daughter's boyfriend is taking her for a night away with dinner for her 18th birthday after a big family party (he won this in a competition seemingly) and sent me a text to ask how I felt about it. They have been together two years and so all things considered I said I would be OK about it as they have been together for a long time. The text was a thoughtful thing to do but why do I still feel strange about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): I think you feel strange becoz it is unusual. It makes you think if the guy is really sincere or he has some hidden agenda. But no need to worry about it as we really cant say he was not sincere when he did that.
And I wanna disagree with people who say that parents are protective and thats why they are not comfortable with their children having sex. It is not protective. It is just totally irrational and ridiculous becoz nearly everyone is gonna have sex at some point in their life. Not all parents are uncomfortable with it though. Only those who are brainwashed by the millennium old idea that sex is a guilty pleasure and something wrong which cant be avoided, will feel that way. They themselves felt guilty for wanting sex and they feel the same when their kids become sexually active. We gotta grow up and grow out of these meaningless ideas.
A
male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (31 March 2009):
 Only you know the guy well enough to judge the sincerity of his intentions in asking you. It may have been at your daughter’s request, or he may be a genuine gentleman who sincerely desires your approval. Or he may be following an ageless ritual called, “first I ask, then I take.” (No matter what you say, it’s going to happen anyway.)The fact is, if they’ve been together for 2 years and they’ve not yet been physical, the clock is already ticking.My suggestion would be to answer with a carefully phrased response which puts the onus of responsibility and respect in his court. I’d use something along the lines of; “You and she have been together for two years, and I have faith in her judgment. If you were not the type of respectful, mature and responsible man whom she deserves, she would let it be known. I trust you to escort her on this trip, because I believe you understand the value of responsibility and commitment. Have a good time.”Notice the key-words to drive home the real message. ;) They should echo in his mind long after the message is read, and hopefully curb certain impulses in the future. I would also pass on a similar message to your daughter; this isn’t a one-way street.In the end, take solace in knowing that they’ve already been together longer than many marriages last these days, and you did a fine job as a parent. She may not be a little girl anymore, but she will always be your little girl.I hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): I give him credit for asking, which was a mature thing to do and must have felt bloody awkward for him.
I have to say I'm torn. Intellectually I know that the up-front approach is the better one. Emotionally, I think I might be more comfortable with it being understood but not discussed.
Don't you ever wonder where the parents' instruction manual is?? I sure never found mine.
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A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (31 March 2009):
 hmm, well at least he asked. I know my parents weren't too thrilled with me seeing my ex even after we got married (he had to live out of state for the military). It's just a protective nature because you understand the "mistakes" that can be made at such a young age. Plus it's hard letting go, even if she is 18 now.
I would thank him for his honesty, and ask him to look out after your daughter. Hopefully that will encourage more openess and honesty from him, which is best for everyone in the grand scheme of things.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 March 2009):
 It's a pretty strange text for a guy to send, honest but strange. No parent wants to have to give tacit approval for a boyfriend to bonk their daughter. We may know it's going on, but not to be put in the position to say "Sure go ahead". I'd feel strange about it too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): i think you should be ok about this. he seems like a really nice guy texting you first, your daughter is 18 she will be fine.
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