A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was having dinner with my guy friends last night, and we were sharing recent dating experiences. Two of us are in our early 30s and the other guy his late 30s. As we shared our stories, a common theme emerged - we were tired of people playing games with us. All of us are well-educated, have great jobs, and workout regularly. I think we are great catches. We all want to have families. The problem is we keep meeting women who just play with our heads, act interested when they're not, and disappear. Myself - the last girl I met was at a speed dating event of all places. I took her number, and then she flaked before the first date! The girl before that dropped me for a 65 year old man, and when I see her out now, she flirts with me right in front of him! The one before that stopped talking to me, because I wouldn't take her to lunch at an expensive place. I don't like trying to meet people in bars, so I've been trying speed dating and online, but the result seems to be the same - head games. Why go to a speed dating event, give me her number, and then flake before you even know me? As a group the other night, we were heading toward having the opinion that girls these days just want to play games, but I don't want to think that. What's the deal, or what am I doing wrong? I would get it if we were in high school, or had major life problems - no education, low-paying job or unemployed, didn't take care of ourselves, but not the case.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 January 2016):
 I am a woman who doesn't like playing games. I don't like men who play games, and I don't have much respect for women who play games either. Unfortunately I have to agree with you though, it seems to me as well that most women play games. As a bisexual I've been the one to pursue women as well, and it never amounted to anything. They all wanted to be chased, most never replied to my messages, and they were all "yes, lets meet up" and never to be heard from again. There's a reason why Ive never had a relationship with a woman. Men were just FAR easier to talk to, get to know, and they didn't hide the fact that they were interested in me, as opposed to women who would, like you say, flirt and then not care about you at all.
Sure, some men do this too, but women are very annoying when it comes to this. I think it has something to do with our role in society and these women feeling this is the part they must play. Because the women I know of who play games are the same women who feel they are not worth much and have lacking self esteem. I think society teaches women this, because it's otherwise strange why half the population would behave in this manner. But just look at pop culture, movies and music, and you'll see that a woman is hardly ever portrayed as anything but a pretty, little thing who's only good for having sex with. Without an extreme amount of self awareness and confidence, how would a woman growing up with this be able to believe in herself as worth more? And if she's not worth more... well then what's left for her than to play games...?
Well, that's my take on it anyways. Find yourself a confident woman who's happy with herself, and I believe you'll experience less of these mind games.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2016): Sometimes there are women posting the same question here but with the sexes reversed. Some people are serious, some aren't. Some people are selfish or have a lot of issues. That goes for both men and women. If you start carrying forward grievances from past dates to new relaionships it will just be causng problems for yourself in the long run. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, Songwr1ter  +, writes (9 January 2016):
I agree with Honeypie. Maybe it is the type of girls you go for... And maybe you should find other ways to meet girls..there are many girls out there who desire a great guy, and there are others out there, who just like to play mind games....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 January 2016):
 I don't think ALL women just want to play games, I think they want to be on equal footing with men and have found that it doesn't happen as much as they would like. So when they DO meet someone who DOES want something serious, they either don't know how to react or they don't recognize it.
And maybe.... just maybe, it's a little about the TYPE of women you go for?
And maybe it's a little about HOW/WHERE you meet them.
Speed-dating may not really be a great place to met a person. I know! It sounds strange, you would think they are participating because they WANT to date, but for many it's just not something they take seriously. I mean who can tell after 5 minutes if the person in front of you is sincere, honest and someone you want to get to know? I know I couldn't.
Same for online. Do you go to the "free" websites? The hook-up sites (Tindr, OKCupid, PoF) or the more "serious" paid for ones?(Match)
And even the more serious ones, have people on fishing expeditions (men as well as women) bored married people, people who don't WANT a partner but wants attention, fake profiles etc. It's a crap shoot.
And let's talk ratio as well. If you are in Cali (example) you might ACTUALLY have a much larger group of males on the dating site and in NY more women. (all depending on your age group) Don't forget for all the success of dating sites, there are a exponentially many many more "failures to launch", but those are not exactly talked about, are they?
I think online dating is 95% failure, 5% success. (now this is a guess, but going by what I have seen through friends and their experiences, that is my guess). Both of my friends are what I'd consider GREAT catches, same for my BIL and they ALL seemed to run into people who REALLY shouldn't be on a dating site because they REALLY wasn't ready to date. BOTH of my female friends have met partner OFF the dating sites and it seems to be much better matches for them both. My BIL has been through, I'd say at least 30 women whom he went on dates with. Now he really didn't have success till we suggested he STOPPED going for a certain type. He has finally (after 4 years) found someone who seems like a good match.
Have you asked a female friend (if you have one) to go over your profile? And maybe try another approach? Have you tried switching up the criteria that you are looking for? Are you going to women MUCH younger than yourself? Are you going for the ones where look may matter more than personality? You know what I mean?
Have you tried the meetup "group" dates/events? Have you tried to have friends set you up?
As for the girl at the speed-dating event.. well, she had fun but when push came to shove (you asked her out) she might have felt overwhelmed, she may not really have been interested, or she wasn't serious about dating.
And the one who dropped for your a 65 year old... well, COUNT yourself lucky! She obviously has some daddy issues or she was looking for a sugar-daddy not a partner.
Don't give up. Just know that dating ins't easy. It wasn't BEFORE the internet, but it sure isn't any easier WITH the internet. People lie on their profiles and that in turns makes people wary. So while you MAY be a genuine GOOD catch, it's impossible to tell from a profile and a few dates. And IF you are one of those guys who moves WAY too fast because you KNOW what you want (in your mind's eye) you are more likely to "scare" off a good woman.
So go slow. Redo your profile, maybe change the site you are on? (I'm not saying that the paying ones are better, but I DO think (and it's a guess) that people who PAY to sign up are more likely to be serious about WHY they are there). OR simply.. take a break from the online, and try going to various events, things that interest you.
Whatever you think, women are really NOT that different.
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A
female
reader, anonem +, writes (8 January 2016):
 No. I personally don't play games. You are probably hanging out in the wrong location.
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