A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm middle aged and have been dating a man for over two years. I have my own house, which is paid for. He also has a house that after his divorce he bought with a girlfriend.I recently found out, that when he was married they were friends with another married couple and his exwife is now living with that man and the woman my boyfriend lived with was that woman. He never told me this. He won't talk about a future together, but he said I could sell my home and live with him. He has stuffed animals in his bedroom that she gave him, cups that say "I love you" on it. I know it may sound silly, but I want a fresh start. I suggest we both sell, but he has a teenager and won't do it, even though I said we'd stay in the same area. I know I wouldn't be happy living in that house, it wouldn't feel like I belonged. Just looking for advise, should I give up on this relationship?Thanks.
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divorce, ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to thank each of you for taking time to respond,
and answer questions that Eddie asked. The items that bother me are not from his exwife with whom he has his son, but the woman he dated prior to me and after we started dating he went back to her & when it didn't work out he contacted me again.
I go in his bedroom & there are stuffed animals from her on his bed & dresser. I told him many times that I didn't like looking at them & he put two of them in the closet (he didn't throw them out), the others still are out.
As I write this, I can't believe I was even considering living with him. Thank you all!!!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 October 2012):
 do not sell your house.
FWIW I don't want to sell mine but my husband insists since I have lived here with other husbands before him.... we have redone the house but we still will be moving...
I do not think your request is unreasonable..
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (14 October 2012):
 Unfortunately, dating a divorced man with a bit of a history is going to have past mementos in his life. His past has made him what he is dad -- whether you like it or not.
I am sure you have a bit of history as well, although I imagine you may be more discrete than he is.
I think you have to realize he comes as a package deal. You can request that he removes items from his previous relationships -- but understand he may require the same of you.
I think it is worth exploring though why you feel the way you do. Do you think he is unhealthily hung-up on his past? Do you think he still carries a torch? Are you jealous? Did you assume he was a virgin when you met him or pretend he hadn't been with other women? Especially if he has children, his past women will likely play a factor in the present and that is not going to change.
Your relationship still sounds young and it would appear like the lines of communication aren't rock solid. Also, I suspect you don't really know where you stand in his life, which is probably what brought you to this site.
It appears have some misgivings and doubts and I would encourage you to think twice about moving in -- at least until your conscious is absolutely clear. If things don't work out, removing yourself from a live-in situation can be just as rocky and painful as a divorce.
Also, if he isn't talking long-term, you may wind up cohabiting without marriage in the near future. I've seen it happen many times before on this site: couple moves in with the woman assuming marriage is right around the corner and 5+ years later she wonders when it is going to happen... If marriage is on your mind and is one of your short-term goals, you had best see if that is one of his ambitions as well.
Ultimately, the choice is yours, but I would like to see you answer my questions above and hopefully you and your boyfriend can resolve them before proceeding down the relationship path.
Good luck,
Eddie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): Dont move in keep your own house and see him like you are!!!
You have your freedom your independence and dont rely on him-keep a bit of arms length and carry on if he cant accept that then find someone else
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 Hi
I would tell him to clear the house of 'their' things and together re-decorate,re-furnish. IF he agrees then you could rent your place out for say 12 months, rather than sell it.Give you something to go back to should it not work out
If he won't do it for you then yes, end it.He can't have it all his own way.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 October 2012):
 I wouldn't sell my own house. A teenager will be JUST fine in a new house. They aren't made of glass.
Seems to me that he wants you to make all the sacrifices... If you DO decide to move in, I would have a long chat about the hose and how to make it "your" home too.
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