A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Theres this guy that ive been talking to via email. We know each other well due to his son going through school with my brother. Ive always liked him, but never really said anything. So recently I decided to send him a message to see how he was. We got chatting and he was like its nice to communictae with you. So i replied and said the same. Then he messages back with hey again so, i dont have my son a thur evenings, so perhaps you want to come over for a drink at some point. We just left it there. Then we message a few more times and he then says i think its a good idea to stop whatever this is before things get complicated or confusing and that things could get out of hand quickly and that all he can offer is talking and cant offer anything more that. Hes just got divorced before christmas.Would like some advice Thanks
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 March 2019):
 EDIT...
I meant to say:" The fact that he suggested drinks at HIS place, kinda of makes me think he WASN'T thinking to DATE you seriously anyways.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 March 2019):
When a guy says something like "it's complicated" it's basically a "nice" way to let you down and to try and nip anything further in the bud from happening.
If he JUST got divorced in late December. Which means that he and his ex-wife and his kid(s) are still adjusting to the new status quo. If there is still some animosity between the two of them, adding a new and much younger woman to the mix... might not be a good idea. FOR HIM!
The fact that he suggested drinks at HIS place, kinda of makes me think he was thinking to DATE you seriously anyways. It was an opportunity to meet up with someone and keeping it secret, a dinner date out on the town might have gotten back to the ex.
I'd say stick to e-mailing and keep romance out of the picture, sex out of the picture and meeting up (unless it's for coffee/lunch in public) out of the picture too.
He isn't REALLY ready to pursue a new love interest and he doesn't WANT to complicate his life and routine.
IF you are looking to get to know and date a guy, HE isn't it.
If you can handle just being his "pen-pal", then continue to talk over e-mail.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 March 2019):
 Listen to what he’s telling you, end things here. He is being very honest with you, if you try to pry any further then you may get unwanted outcomes.
What good situation begins with someone telling you things should end before they’ve begun? He’s very recently divorced and clearly not dealt with his feelings. To get involved with this would be foolish.
You’ve only sent a few messages so ending communication should be easy. Forget about this one.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (11 March 2019):
 Interesting that he didn't invite you OUT for a drink but rather "come over for a drink at some point". That sounds like he was inviting you to his home. Am I right? If so, that would completely explain his sudden cold feet. He had a booty call in mind but then suddenly had a wake-up call that he was propositioning a much younger female, once whose brother had gone to school with his son.
Given the brother/son situation, I am guessing this guy is a bit older than you (either that or you have a much younger brother). Either way, he is at a different stage in his life to you in that he has already got a marriage and divorce under his belt, not to mention (most importantly) a child.
Tread carefully. If someone warns you there could be complications, BELIEVE them. If he has only just got divorced, he would be best having some time to himself to work out what he wants to do. Don't be his rebound, his "getting back on the horse" relationship.
By all means, if you like this guy, keep in contact as a friend. Perhaps meet up for dates which don't involve sex, certainly until he figures out his "complications". You wouldn't willingly stick your hand into a fire as you know it would hurt; why would you throw yourself into a relationship that has the same potential? Protect yourself and take things slowly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2019): Please pardon my typos!
[EDIT]:
"Your ears should perk-up anytime someone tells you things could get complicated."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2019): You ears should perk-up anytime someone tells you things could get complicated. You had a perfect opportunity to ask HIM what that meant, but came here. Before you go any further; you should know what you're getting into, that might be "complicated."
I think sex should be completely off the table. Meeting at his house for drinks...one thing leads to another. I'm pretty sure that's one of the complications implied.
If you're wanting to initiate something in the line of romance; heed his warning. His life is probably still in turmoil; if the divorce was a nasty one. You're really heading towards a potential train-wreck. Recent divorces and child-custody issues can be rough-road to travel. Especially if his son knows you and your brother, and the kid gets a hint you're "dating." Worse if mum finds-out. Dating someone she knows is humiliating, breeds contempt, and she will likely retaliate. Even if they've been separated for awhile.
Kids need time to adjust to divorces; once they know there's no chance the family will reunite. That's pretty complicated too.
Being recently divorced, and having a son; I can assume he is warning you of baby-mama drama. They are still sorting things out; and dating so soon after the divorce was finalized could drum-up some serious backlash from his ex. Using his son as the pawn, of course.
If you want to talk, meet someplace public; not drinks as his place. If he suggested stopping whatever it is, he was trying to tell you that if it's heading towards romance he's not ready for that. Then why such an intimate setting? Drinks at his place?
Call him and have him explain the complications. You can meet-up over coffee, at a lovely coffee shop. Don't include alcohol, until he works-out his "complications."
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