A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Going through a divorce. I'm allowing my husband to keep our house, but asking that he re-finance to buy me out of my 1/2, plus I'm asking for 1/2 of his pension. We live in a community property state, so this is the law and we were married for over 15 yrs. I feel that is fair, but he is freaking out saying that he cannot afford to refinance the house. The house appraised at $285,000.00. We owe only $75,000.00 I'm asking for $100,000.00 which is not even 1/2 of its real value. He would have to re-finance $175,000.00 and he said he cannot afford the payments (which is not true he makes good money and has virtually no bills other than utilities and we have no children to support). He is playing on my sympathy getting very teary over these discussions, making me feel like I am being greedy and it's messing with my head. On the other hand, I have to think about my life and my future. I can't touch his pension until he retires 20 years from now. That leaves me nothing to invest in a house for myself. I only want to do what's fair but I can't get advise from anyone neutral that can be objective. My attorney says he should re-finance the house. What do you think is fair?
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female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (13 January 2010):
 If he does not want to re finacnce then point out to him that you can enforce the sale of the house instead, both walk away with approx $100,000 each (after paying the loan out) in which case, were he to buy a similar property he would still be in the same boat debt wise - if not worse off if things like stamp duty / sales tax on the property apply. Not to mention it will be less convienient and cause hopefully avoidable hostility.
If you find it too hard to stand your ground negotiating with him then it may be best to retain legal representation and let them proceed in negotiations on your behalf instead.
It is really not fair if he expects to keep the house for himself and have you walk away with nothing.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 January 2010):
What is fair is half, since you're entitled to it. It's not just like you haven't been there in the marriage. You have. I he has to refinance, then he has to and that's it. Don't fall for his emotional blackmail. You were in the marriage, so you take what you're entitled to.
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