A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I went out with a girl for 3 years. I am 29 and she's 23. The first couple of years were great, we were both very much in love with each other, then she went to Spain to finish her studies for a year.At first it was ok, we managed to see each other every month or every couple of months, stayed in touch every couple of days, and our love seemed to become even stronger.Towards the end of the year she started to become a bit distant. She came back at the start of the summer and we started seeing each other again, although we live in different cities now. After one month, she broke up with me, she felt that we'd grown apart and that our relationship wasn't fun anymore. She basically needed some space, was confused, wanted to see if the world had something else to offer. She also said that she still liked me and that maybe we'd get back together in the future.I took it pretty well, although inside I was devastated. I asked her not to contact me for a while and said I wouldn't contact her either. She was pretty upset.It's been a month since the break up now, I texted her yesterday for the first time to ask if she wanted to keep some clothes she'd left in my room. I also said that I'm fine with the break up and that she did the right thing. She replied instantly saying I could throw her stuff in the bin and she was glad I was ok. To sum up, there is no hard feelings between us, but I'm very upset about the whole thing. I completely understand why she broke up with me, although I suspect she met another guy in Spain and didn't mention him because she didn't want to hurt me more.I wonder how she feels about the situation, I know that I couldn't be just friends with her, I can't get over her at all and I don't want to stay in touch with her if she wants to be friends. At the same time I'm worried that if we don't keep in touch she'll just get over me completely and that second chance she talked about will vanish. My attitude now is that I probably won't be in touch until she contacts me, not to be rude, just to look after myself, but I'm not 100% sure it's the right thing to do. I don't know whether to try and move on or hope something will happen.It would be great if people could give some advice or opinions, thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers, I can only agree with you both, I'm very sad but it is best to move on with my life and not contact her at all. It's hard to accept but I know I'll get over it eventually. If we happen to meet again and start over then it was meant to happen.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 "At the same time I'm worried that if we don't keep in touch she'll just get over me completely and that second chance she talked about will vanish."
If you are to fall in love again and start over, all those old feelings need to be gone. It is scary to let go, but her feelings for you were not enough to make the relationship continue, so there is logically no point in trying to hold on to those feelings. If her old feelings for you die, only then can you start building up a new relationship, or friendship, from scratch.
Now, I don't speak from experience with getting back with an ex. I just know that getting back while you are still not over each other only leads to more breakups, because there simply wasn't enough time to heal the wounds. Nor did any of the reasons for the breakup vanish during such a short time.
In my experience, if you ever want to be with her again, you are looking at years of waiting. It is best to leave it in the hands of faith and move on with your life. It if happens it happens and will be great. After all you managed to fall in love once, you can do it again. But don't build a new relationship on old feelings.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 As if her being abroad wasn't enough space? Let me tell you LDRs are hard and not everyone can handle them. You were doing quite well, flying out to see each other every couple of months, and the communication was still kept up. It sounds to me like Spain had something to offer, I suspect another guy as well. Now, the whole "I still like you maybe we'll get back together in the future." with maybe being the key word here. Women often say this to soften the blow of a break-up. Or we say it because we're breaking up with you for another guy but if it doesn't make pan out with him then we have you as a back up. I know it's misleading giving you false hope, but please don't hold your breath. Now, I'm not against LDRs but she can't handle one, and in order for one to work both parties have to be good candidates for a LDR. Let it go, if you want to be friends with her maybe down the road then let her make that move...but if she wants to be with you again or friends then she will contact you. Trust me.
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