A
female
age
36-40,
*ovebug89
writes:how do you get over your boyfriend promisquous past .......when you are not at all like that ?i have been in 3 relations so far was fooled and dumped in one and the second guy cheated on me after 3 yrs of engagement we parted....i am now with my present boyfriend from 2 yrs ...he has been faithfull so far ...he has had only casual sexual relationships bfore this and even been a sex tourist ..and had random sex...it really makes me sick ...and i cant digest his braging about it and "its a guy thing and no big deal" attitude and he is not at all ashamed or regreatfull about.it ...but when it comes my past which is nothing he keeps taunting me ...now he has stopped ...but earlier he used to say things like how can you be so easy ...and godknows how many guys u have been with .....and i will do a lie detector test to find out ...blah blah ...it really annoys me and freaks me out ...dont know what to think of him ...he is moralpolicing me ...and not looking at his own actions ,his mentality freeks me out....and i cant trust him ....he has even hurt 2 girls who were in love with him ....he never regarded their emotions and i know how it feels i have been hurt too....i feel bad that my boyfriend is just like everybody and that he is cheap and easy ,and has doublestandards ...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): This guy has some serious issues with self confidence. I believe that men and women who are promiscuous are that way because they lack confidence and self esteem. Then he gets on you for having 2 past sexual partners while he has had many. Then he indicates that you are going to sleep around and is worried about your profession. I think he would be the same if you were a school teacher or nurse. It is just an excuse for his lack of confidence in himself.
So his mother and he want a homely girl for him. It sounds like they wouldn't be happy unless you just stayed at home all the time and never went out at all or had a job at all.
Most people have some lock of confidence issues at times, but this guy sounds like his are at the very serious end of the spectrum. And both he and his mother want someone for him who will just stay at home and take orders from him and probably her too and to be put down for the slightest thing that doesn't please them. To tell you the truth, I would get out of this relationship right now and let him and his mother find someone for him who will stay at home and take orders from the 2 of them. I seldom recommend that someone end a relationship for problems, but this is just too far out of the mainstream to be a successful relationship for you. At least in my opinion from what you have said.
A
female
reader, lovebug89 +, writes (9 September 2009):
lovebug89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust to add a few more pointers .....he says he cant trust me since i am into acting and modelling .....which is ridiculious considering all the girls he slept around with were not in the glamour feild ...so how does being a model make u or qualify u for being easy .....2ndly he and his mom who i have met since i visited their house a few times .......have mentioned that they want a homely girl ....i mean yaa you want a responsible girl ...its reasonable requirement but it again makes me feel that maybe they are rfering indirectly that you are not homely enough ....and his mother sometimes interviews me ...what do you think ...what do you like you like going out late or are you homely and how is your mother is she homely .....i mean what the f%#@$ he is asking me to be a housewife after marrige ......and yaa not to mention the unsaid ristrictions you dnt do this kind of work and dnt wear this ....everything you say or do will be judged....and not to mention that his mom always keeps praising him that my son is this and that ....and i want this kind of girl or that kind of girl....for him .....and forgets what her son is ...or does not know ,maybe pretending ignorence ..what if she is indirectly telling me i am not good enogh ....and strats brainwashing him ...what do i do to logically make him understand ...and work things out\
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): You don't have to accept it.
You are disgusted by the way he handles sex, so why stay with him? He might be a nice guy but his morals clearly don't match yours. I don't think this is anything that you should need to apologize for.
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