A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I need help with this guy..So im attracted to an older guy. Im 21 and he is 35. We ironically have the same birthday so we are exactly 14 years apart. Since ive met him, ive always felt like there was an attraction between us.. like an unspoken feeling. But i dont see him often because of our work schedules. Well one day I mentioned to a friend that i thought he was good looking and he told me that this older guy said the same thing about me. Since then, its been back and forth flirtations.. not too heavy but its there. I thought we were getting somewhere because he was the one who was always flirting with me but yesterday he told my friend that he felt I was too young for him. Mind you, he has no idea that I know he said this... So now im stuck. And really, its my genetics that are doing me this injustice because I look like im 16 honestly but im not. I know people my age who look older but i dont and thats not an issue to me but Im attracted to this guy and I just want to be like friends with benefits, im not looking for anything serious. I know many of you might say its wrong or whatever but I want to somehow change his mind. I mean, does he think about how young I am when he flirts with me? Probably not. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2016): Hi OP.To a 35 year old guy, a 21 year old woman is still quite young.He may find you attractive and flirt with you because he finds you attractive but he may have a hard time in his own head getting past your age. It may not feel right to him. He might feel like he is robbing the cradle so to speak. Sometimes these psychological road blocks can be quite powerful a determent. lolSome guys do have honour. Others do not.So, consider him not such a bad guy or a pig like the rest if he does not initiate a sexual relationship. Many would. Knowing full well they would be moving on after... The fact he is not means he may respect you after all and like you genuinely. And, also he just might feel creepy about the age difference.Maybe in time he might ease up? But I agree, just hang back and be friends and see what unfolds naturally in due time...Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2016): Thank you "like I see it". I have been thinking about it all day and I believe your right. The thing is, I only thought of him as a "friends with benefits" because I figured he wouldnt want anything more serious with me and it didnt seem ideal. He started flirting with me way before I even picked up on it. I think its my age that ends up being the deal breaker for him. If. Was a few years older, im sure he would take it past flirtation. But i think its best I just chill out and let nature take its course. I rather keep everything casual and be a friend than push the envelope and come off as desperate. Maybe someday.. thanks for your help!
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (3 September 2016):
 Age itself is only a number. The problem is that people often want (and seek out) different things at different ages and stages in their lives and if two people are not either at similar stages or VERY skilled at compromise, age gap relationships are often doomed to fail. I would hazard a guess that at 35 your crush may be looking for something a little more lasting and, well, *adult* than a friends-with-benefits arrangement. Most of his friends are probably married or in long-term relationships by now, some with kids of their own. Age-wise, he's had probably 18 years of dating to get casual hookups out of his system, while it's all still new and exciting to you. And if he's picked up on the nature of your interest in him (casual only) he probably recognizes that you and he are not at stages in your respective lives to be looking for the same thing. That may be what he meant by "too young for him."
He knows you're interested, so if he doesn't try to act on any more of your flirtation you can safely assume he has decided this type of casual arrangement is not what he is after.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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