A
female
age
26-29,
*enguinwaddle14
writes:I had sex for the first time today and it was kindof a disaster.We were both really nervous, and he kept loosing his erection for a while, and then he finally was able to keep it and he clumsily put on the condom. It was really hard to get it in me, and when he finally got it in it hurt really bad. I was really nervous, so I was tense, I guess, so it was really painful throughout the whole thing. I started bleeding, so we had to stop, and the sex didnt feel good for him or me.Afterwards, we kinda laughed about it, and he was like "better luck next time" and we cuddled for a really long time and he kept saying he loved me and stuff. I really love him.Now I'm sitting here, alone, at my house, and I'm embarrassed and confused and I feel really empty. I don't regret having sex with him, because I love him, but I regret that it kinda sucked. (Well, as much as anything we do together can suck, since being with him and doing anything with him is better than anything I could ask for)How can we make the sex better (read: tolerable)? We both love eachother a ton and we want to make it work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): Yes, normal first time. It kinda sucks for girls--and if the guy cares about you--doesn't want to hurt you--it probably sucks for him too!
I am chiming in with the others. You are a bit young but you sound mature (both of you) and that you are taking proper precautions. Just make sure it's not something you will regret.
Other than that, have "sex" other ways to build up to it. If you explore each other in other ways, you'll both get to know your own and each other's bodies and you're body will learn to relax and enjoy the nice feelings, making intercourse the next step in an enjoyable experience. There are things he can do (or you can do to yourself) to get your body ready so that it won't hurt so much. ANd when you do attempt intercourse, your body really does have to be ready. It won't take all the discomfort away but it will lessen it. Good luck, take it slow and enjoy the beauty of your bodies!
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 November 2010):
 First time sex is normally a traumatic event in one way or another. Don't dwell on the bad parts but take some time away from trying to "get it right" then later [much later since you're way young] try it again in a more relaxed atmosphere and without any expectations or memories of the previous event...just relax you have the rest of your life to "get it right" Sex is not a competition or an event that gets scored like a triple axel.double sowcow in skating. It's an expresion of love and affection not a diary entry or a bucket list check off.
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reader, penguinwaddle14 +, writes (15 November 2010):
penguinwaddle14 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@largentsgirl89 thanks! I didnt think you were yelling at me about it, i was referring to other people. I do see where they are coming from though. It is young, 15.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): Talk to him.. Tell him you want to try again and that you know it wasn't the greatest the first time around but things will get better with more experience. Also you need to turn each other on.. That's where foreplay comes in, never just jump right into sex. I know when I'm not ready all my girl friend does is strip down then strip me down and start making out with me n then work her way down that really turns me on and by the time she gets to my dick im hard and wanting to return the favor.
So tease him a little, be creative... And use FOREPLAY to your advantage! Lol
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reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (15 November 2010):
 Wasn't trying to yell at you or anything for having sex young, people have sex way younger than 15 and I think its awesome that you are aware of the consequences and protection and all of that, most people aren't these days.
Ease back into the sex, don't put any pressure on him, just take it slow. Like maybe when watching a movie together, when you two are comfortable, let him know that you would like to try again. Talk to him.
You would be surprised how far that goes.
Good luck!!!
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reader, penguinwaddle14 +, writes (14 November 2010):
penguinwaddle14 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answers.
We are both 15 years old. I know im way too young to be doing this kind of thing in the minds of some people, but I'm also old enough and mature enough to understand the consequences. I didn't really ask you guys to use this question as an opportunity to yell at me for having sex so young. I don't regret it, and I wont, so please don't try to make me.
Also, I hav another issue. He's completely turned off to sex now, because we failed so much. I would like to try again sometime, but I don't know what to do about him!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): I am sorry it went badly. I think you were too anxious and your partner had no idea what he was doing. His impatience and his anxiety marred what would have been beautiful, if he had more understanding of how to make love. You were not well prepared through adequate and sensitive foreplay, for the experience by your partner. My greatest sadness is that you could not wait longer, as legally you are well under the age of consent, and it is disappointing that you felt an urgency to go ahead. When it would have better to wait until psychologically and emotionally you were better prepared for what should have been wonderful event.
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reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 What a load of nonsense by baddogbj. Ignore that kind of advice. That guy doesn't understand anything about life.
So, you weren't amazingly good at something your both tried for the first time. So?
When you learn to drive a car, it WILL stall out on you. The driving instructor most likely will have to reach over. The advice for your first motor cycle? Get a cheap one, that doesn't have to much paneling because you WILL fall, or even just let the bike fall when you stand still.
There is only one thing you got to get right the first time you try it and that is jumping out of an aircraft. And for civilians? They attach you to an experienced jumper for a reason.
For non-painful intercourse, the woman has to be relaxed and excited. The vagina has a powerful muscle, that can contract very tightly, the tighter the more lube is needed but if you are nervous then this will not happen or at least not enough. What you experienced has been experienced by billions before you.
But overtime you two will be less nervous, less rushed. Take time, LOTS of time to gently ease into it. I am not even talking foreplay so much as making sure that there is no demand that in 5 minutes intercourse will happen. Kiss and cudle until you are no longer nervous. Then gently go further and further until you BOTH want to have sex. Not want it in your head but with your entire body. And if you want to learn one thing from more experienced people then it is that two people can have a lot of fun, without intercourse.
And have some fun. When you are new it all seems to serious but that doesn't help the stress level go down. You wouldn't learn to ride a bike by starting it up and driving into a moving traffic jam on a 10 lane highway in paris would you? No, you learn it by doing circles for hours on end. Make the putting on the condom a play in itself.
Relax, take it slow and try again. It is just like learning to ride a bike. You fall, you brush off and you try again. Only without your daddy helping you... unless you live in the deep south :)
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reader, baddogbj  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 THIS is why it is a bad idea for two people to lose their virginity together. At least one person in the cockpit should know how to fly the plane.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Birdynumnums gives good advice and altho its harsh...its very well true. Sex isnt just sex as you can tell. Its an important event and should thus only make the decision to have it when you have matured and have been in a good standing relationship. Thats logical....not an emotional response to your question/scenario.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Yep, normal... and too young to be doing this, but it would have likely had the same result at 16 or 17...
Relax, don't beat yourself up, and be careful! Slow down and learn what being with someone is all about. You need a few more years of growing to be ready for this (there, someone besides your mother said so!
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reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (14 November 2010):
Sounds like a normal experience for a first time, don't feel bad or embarrassed. You guys sound like you love each other. Just relax. You love each other and that's what you are expressing.
More foreplay. Exploration. Go slow and enjoy each other. You said that you two cuddled afterward, good sign, and he is probably feeling the same way.
Sometimes waiting until you feel more comfortable, sexually that is, to have sex its a lot better. I waited until I was eighteen and it was still pretty awkward.
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reader, avenger08  +, writes (14 November 2010):
First off I think you do need to relax you should be relaxed not all tensed up. Things will get better, next time do a lot more foreplay before getting to sex you should make sure that their is a fair bit of lubrication, wether it be from your come or saliva or actual lubricant from your local store, more the better. Also the more times you two have sex your vagina will stretch.Make sure you are really wet next time and take it slow. Tell him to push it in slowly and to not just push all the way in. Then only go as far as you feel comfortable. The more you do it or the longer the sessions the better it will get. It was only like what you described because you were tense and I'm guessing you weren't really that wet. Hope this helps. Let me know.
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reader, jazzy2292 +, writes (14 November 2010):
Your sex experience sounds to me like it was a normal first time! The more u tense up the more it hurts but your first time is suppose to hurt! Its a piece of skin down there that keeps things from entering the vagina and when he entered u he broke it so that's where the blood comes from! As u have sex more it will get more tolerable as long as u relax! And maybe try getting some lubricant some KY jelly or something! I'm not encouraging u to have sex but since u are doin it anyway u shud try to get some birth control and alway use a condom! Be safe!
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reader, birdynumnums +, writes (14 November 2010):
 13-15?
Sorry - Can't help. I think you guys are far too young to be going this far and don't get all the implications that come with the deal. I sure hope you were using TWO forms of birth control.
Sex is something that comes with having a longstanding and mature relationship AND you should only be having sex with a guy who you would consider staying and raising your six children with!!! Like marriage.
And just because you 'love' each other and want to be together - that doesn't mean that you are ready for sex. Sometimes maturity and love means realizing the pitfalls of having sex too early and abstaining from having sex; simply because you love each other.
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