A
female
age
51-59,
*oldyloxx
writes:hi my partner and i got married in Jan in New York after being together a year in a long distance relationship... He is in the states and i am in the UK. We have agreed that he is going to come to the UK in the summer to stay a year and then go back to the states. Problem is that he disappeared 3 weeks ago for 3 days and he hasnt been the same since it happened. He told me he got lost in PA for a few days and stayed in a motel... Its very difficult to gauge because i am so far away and for the past few weeks he has been out of touch for up to 3 days at a time. when before he was emailing me at least once a day... He said he is tired from work and that we will be together sonn to be patient. But to be honest i got my suspisions.. My head is all over the place.... when i told him i was unhappy about the disappearing it just turned into a big argument, we have barely spoken for a week and i havnt heard from him for 3 days now ...Anyone any suggestions of what to do ????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): I've been in a LD relationship for about a year and three months and I know what it's like when there is no contact.I'm sorry to say this but when there is no contact generally something is a miss. I can understand your frustration especially if it's someone you really care for. The question is how much does he really care for you??. I know this is a hard question to ask but three days with no contact at all is just unacceptable. For as long as I have been in this relationship there hasn't been a day that my girlfriend and I have not made contact, be it by text message, phone call or email, we've made contact in some way or the other.Keeping in contact in a LD relationship is the most important part of it all no matter what the cost. Working late, being sick or being being too tired or busy is no excuse at all, especially if you really love that person.I suggest you seriously consider your future with your spouse as you will eventually become a miserable worrying about his whereabouts. A LD relationship can work but a LD marriage is destined to lead to no where.I hope all works out though. Good Luck!!!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (26 February 2009):
Well you have only known him for a year and then not even that long because you only really REALLY get to know a person face to face. Online etc you can be who you want to be and edit every word to only show the side you want.
So you have married a man without really knowing who he is, if he can be trusted, or what he is getting up to day to day.
If I were you I would be very suspicious of this sudden disappearance only 4 weeks into the marriage. You need SO MUCH trust in a long distance relationship, so tell him that you just need some reassurance about this.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (26 February 2009):
 Well i would think most people would assume it could be pointing to an affair although considering the distance between you if he was having one he could still have quite easily kept up his contact with you, that is unless he is actually thinking of ending the relationship with you completely, then he probably wont feel the need to keep you sweet so to speak!
I don't know how often you actually see each other and it must be very difficult to sustain a relationship of this kind and i know a sexual relationship is not the be all and end all of a marriage but to me it is what keeps you close and bonds you together and without it you are no more than friends.
When he eventually gets in contact you are going to have to speak to him about his behaviour, it will be difficult because you are miles apart and ideally it would be better face to face. Tell him you are really concerned about your relationship and need to talk seriously about it.
I hope you can get the answers you deserve. Take care x
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