A
male
age
41-50,
*rentLIves
writes:Well, in late nov I met this rlly cute gurl n we really hit it off and we had sex for first weekend and we had sex again a week later n she told she took birth control. And she had her period in the same week. And then she blew me off n hurt me n we didnt c and talk to eachother for like three months. And then I met somebody else during that time. But I got issue now. The girl I had sex with she is five months prego n told me she misses me and has strong feelings for me n wants the best for n doeant wany make me cry. But this other woman really adores me wants to marry me someday n she gave me promise ring but I dont know if I should give back or not. I am seriously in a dilemma!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): how can she be 5 months pregnant now if you only met her in late november?? OK let's say she is pregnant with your kid (it would be 4 months not 5 months). Don't marry her just cos you're having a kid with her. That's a recipe for a broken home and a dysfunctional family and the kid will grow up to have psychological issues. and you will be the parent of someone with psychological issues so you can bet your life will always be difficult. Having a kid with someone is totally different from being a life partner/spouse with someone. Many conservative or religious folks will say it has to be the same person in both roles but that again is what causes dysfunctional families and messed up kids, is when the home is an unhappy one because the parents did not want to be together and are only together because they believe having a kid means they also "have" to be married to each other or life partners.If you're with a woman now who you click with and who you seriously can see as your wife, then keep on with her in that role. The baby momma is just that - the baby's momma. She is peripheral to your life only. To do your duty as a parent you should work out visitation with your kid, but your relationship is with your kid not with the kid's mother.the baby momma truly does not care about you. She only wants you back because having a baby is a lot of work and will be easier if there is a man living with her who is obligated to help her. i.e. a partner. she would dump you again in a heart beat if she found another man willing to take her and the baby on.
A
male
reader, Human comedy +, writes (11 April 2013):
Listen fella. It's not just about you any more. Nor is it just about the girl (either of them). You left that world behind long ago when you jumped into bed. There's a baby in the mix now. You have a duty that child. You acted in such a way that caused a person to come into the world and now you have a responsibility to that new person. You need to think about what's best for all three of you: you, the baby, and the baby's mom. And arguably, the baby's interest are the most important out of the three of you. Life just got real. Man up!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 March 2013):
 Seriously? wow are you sure you are 30 something?
time to grow up.
Which woman do YOU like better?
As far as the first one who's pregnant goes... tell her after the baby is born you want a Paternity test and ONCE the test comes back proving you are the baby daddy you will step up to the plate and CARE FOR YOUR CHILD (but not the mother)
she used you.. she barely spoke to you after a few weeks of sex when she said she was on BC.
I smell a lady trying to 'trap you' or get you back under false pretenses.
Make it VERY VERY VERY clear that you will be there for YOUR CHILD. That you will sue for joint custody and visitation and have the court take the child support payments and make them for you (to avoid any and all contact with the baby mother).
My older son had a crazy girl two years ago try to convince him she was pregnant with his child... both the mommy (me) and the stepmommy went to her and told her point blank if the child was biologically my son's child (my son has disabilities that required us to step in) we would sue and WIN full custody of this child and she would have no contact with son and only supervised visitation with her child (she was disabled too). Guess who was not really pregnant?
If she's 5 months pregnant now that means you were having sex with her in Mid to late October is that accurate?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 March 2013):
 Really, Brent.... at "30-35" you are no longer in the elementary school yard.... loving one girl at recess, one day, and another, the next......
Please reconstruct yourself as an ADULT and reconsider what are your choices..... ARE YOU the "man" who fathered the child that is growing in lady No 1?.... and, if so, don't you have ANY obligation to her????? ..... and, don't you have an obligation to say to No 2: "Well, honey-bunny, we tried to make a go of it... but, I'v now found out that I am the FATHER of a child that I spawned last Novermber.... and, if I have even a shred of decency in my DNA, then I am obliged to "be with" that girl - the MOTHER of my child...... and so, you, Dear girl, are dumped. Sorry."
THAT's what a REAL MAN does....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (29 March 2013):
 Get a pregnancy test, then a paternity test after the baby is born. If the child is yours, you will need to arrance child support (50% your responsibility) and child access. If the baby is yours, it's not his/her fault that he/she has irresponsible parents and you have a duty to provide for the child.
The childs mother is nothing to you so no problem there, but the child could be yours and it's your responsibility to find out the truth and the facts.
I also find it a little strange that a man of your age isn't taking responsibility for his own birth control and sexual health?...why would you always leave it to the woman?...it's a recipe for disaster and if you had of taken responsibility, you would not be in this predicament now.
Are you a responsible person who's in control? or are you someone who's a bit of an air head and couldn't care less about your sexual health and pro creating?...a baby has now been made...could be yours...it's time to take control and deal with it.
I hope your new relationship works out, but let me tell you, it's going to work out a WHOLE lot better if you handle this situation the RIGHT way...and take responsibility.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (29 March 2013):
 First off you need to get the test done to know if the baby belongs to you! You can't just take her word it’s better to be safe and get the test which will tell you if it’s yours or not!Now this ex gf broke you heart into a million pieces and walked away, the girl who cared about you picked it up and brought it together! Now just because the ex is pregnant you want to dump this girl who loves you and adores you!OP, that's not the way to deal with it! You need to tell your ex your romance ended with her long time ago, and after the test if the baby belongs to you, you're ready to help financially! Tell her you’ve moved on with another woman. But OP you need to tell this new girl about your ex-girlfriend if the baby belongs to you! So from the start don't just run away from things, face them boldly. Good luck OP
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 March 2013):
First of all, you need a pregnancy test. You barely dated the girl, and while the baby could certainly be yours, it's not guaranteed by any means. Not to mention she treated you as if she didn't care, then all of a sudden she cares. She doesn't care about you, she wants a father to her baby! That's a fact, so don't go dumping the girl you have who you care about and who genuinely cares about you to get back the first girl.
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