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female
,
anonymous
writes: I need help. I'm 19 and my fiance is 36, we've been together for 4 years. I love him so much but the age gap is beginning to show. How is it showing? His sex drive is really low. Mine is so high! Its not his fault and I'd never cheat on him but what do I do? The frustration is driving me wild! I see him all the time,I fancy him like mad and I can't whip his clothes off. This really is getting me down. And the rejection I feel every time he says no is killing me, my confidence is gone. Please help, I love this man but I'm drifting away from him.
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female
reader, Ms. Tanya +, writes (4 September 2006):
 Well, I agree it is not his fault, his sex drive is just lower then yours. Try this to get his attention, pack him lunch, take a picture of yourself topless or something and slip it into his lunchbox, (in a small envelope with "For your eyes only" written on it incase he opens his lunchbox near all the guys.) and maybe right "Waiting for you to get home xoxo" On the back, gests him excited and thinking about you all day.And do remember that getting him to have sex with you ever night is not everything, just clothed cuddleing is nice to!!I'm sorry its so frusterating honey, but you can't force him to have more sex with you. -_-~Ms. Tanya
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (9 June 2006):
 You are very welcome, Im glad thay my advice has gone someway in to helping you! If you ever need any futher advice dont hesitate to post on here or to mail me.
Take care and good luck!
x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2006): Thank you everyone for your replies. They have been very helpful and kind. I'm going to relax about it. I know he respects me, fancies me and loves me. Everything else in our relationship is fine. We spent lots of time together, travelling, going out, staying in etc so I should be happy to be in such a good relationship. I'm going to back off and as Wendy has said (and thank you Wendy for your lovely reply x) I'll take the main focus off sex and see how things go for a while. If nothing improves I'll have a little talk with him about it assuring him that I love him and I'll work with him, compromise and give him the time he needs without any pressure. I'll keep you posted, and to Wendy, you're an angel who has lifted my spirit. Thank you xx
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (9 June 2006):
I wouldnt agree completely with the other posts that are already here. I wouldnt say he is trying to control you and hes scared to lose you are surely he would be the opposite ? If he thought he was going to lose you I thihk he would have more sex not less to keep you?! I think maybe he just hasnt got as a high a sex drive as you, and maybe its something that you can work on together, it doesnt really matter about the age, as you could both be the same age and have different sex drives. We are all different what works for one doesnt always work for the other. Maybe talk to him and let him know how you are feeling, he might not realise that you are feeling this way. Try and see if you cant meet half way, it may not be as spontaneous as it once was, but maybe you could work together to find some middle ground, but hes gotta know how its making you feel. Let him know that you fancy him and want more of him! Things like working and stress can affect our sex drives, so if hes got alot going on this could contribute to why hes not always feeling as sexy, Men dont automatically think sex sex sex, they like us sometimes have to feel more valued and not as a sex object, and they too need to feel in the mood (not all men!) but those that do, love you and care for you, but dont see why they have to have sex all the time. See if you cant make each other feel special in other ways and take the onus off the sex for a while. I know you want the sex, but whats actually happening is your looking for it when he doesnt want to and in your head your convinved he doesnt fancy you. This festers and becomes a bigger problem, Just because he doesnt rip your clothes off doesnt mean this at all, he probably has a lot of respect for you loves you and fancies you, he just doesnt feel the need to have sex all the time. Maybe try and release yourself on your own for bit, lay the pressure off him, the more you pressure him the worse it will get as the more you mention something the bigger it gets. Let him feel loved for a bit, and do other things, once you have taken the main focus off you may find that he will be more amiable when it comes to sex. If he is indeed less pressured to perform things may take a natural course. The last thing any of us want is to be pressured in to sex as it takes the fun out of it. He could well be feeling that hes got to perform and its putting him off a bit. Back off a little and make him feel good and hopefully things will start to get on to an even keel. The key thing is to talk to one another and see if you cant make this good for both of you.
Good luck! xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2006): Painful as it might now seem, you need to end this relationship because this strange behavior is only the beginning of his need to control you. He was born in 1970, and you were born in 1987. He is old enough to be your father and realizes it. If you don't think that this much difference in age matters, take a look at life insurance premiums. When you will still be able to get term life insurance fairly inexpensively, his age won't permit the same company to insuring him regardless of the premium. Both of you need to find a significant other more similar in age. If you think not, would you for a second consider anybody with a greater disparity in age as your significant other?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2006): What a stupid man, he's pushing you away. 36 he shouldn't be flagging!!! He's trying to control you girl, cos he's scared he's gonna lose you, so he's playing hard to get!! Just you cool off a bit and let him do the chasing...let him think that you're going off him and he'll soon do all the chasing!!!
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