A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like im going insane. I do. I come from a conservative family and always thought I would be with (in regards to sex) one man. I like about the idea of only knowing one person intimately and vice versa. Me and my current boyfriend went to uni together. After knowing each other for 3 years we started dating for 6 months and then when asked our relationship status, we decided to make it "official" and tell people. A few months following this we did the deed. Soon after my body felt weird and I asked him to re-confirm his past experiences having told me he had been with a person or two but not to the point of climax-which sounded weird. When I asked him when this was he mentioned two months prior us telling our friends we were a couple [so whilst dating]. I feel like he's cheated on me. I was in pieces. A few weeks later he said he did not sleep with her but said it because all his friends were there and he needed to bost. This made me feel sick. He lost his virginity a random girl whilst we where dating. Then said he didnt?But went on to tell me in detail what they did do-along with other girls because we wasnt "official"-am I being pedantic? We have been together for over 2 years now and I have found out recently that hes been lying to me about where he goes. Or if hes on a night out, all communication would stop till the next morning. He used to let me know when he was home. I guess it became a habit. ....... I called him when I couldnt sleep recently and a girl answered his phone....at 5am in the morning. I called his second number in the morning and he told me he had lost his phone the night before at the kebab shop when he was with his friends. He doesnt seem like the cheating type but with all the sudden lying coming out I dont know what to think. ...I always said I would be with one person in my life......do I fight it through?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 March 2013):
 Well with your reply I have to say he is cheating, she wasn't some random chick who found his phone and answered it for shits and grins.She knows WHO you are and you have NO idea who she is...Sorry, honey.I'd tell him to go fly a kite and forget about me.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 March 2013):
 ohhhhh okay, with that little tid bit of info, he definitely was cheating on you. wow. i'm sorry, sweetheart. keep us updated on how it turns out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen the girl answered the phone she whispered my name [which i didnt think anything of as it comes up when I rang,] Then said "oh, the Girlfriend" and cut off.
I was in such shock I rolled over and tried to process it all.
Thank you for all your advice. Its great having input from an objective stance. and I appreciate there are different responses x
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (28 February 2013):
 I agree with other aunts and uncles here, something is not right at all.
He left the phone in the kebab shop. So who was the woman who answered? A woman who works in the kebab shop? Did he get the phone back and from whom? Ask these questions.
And by telling you two different versions about how far he went with other woman/ women, well he was lying at least once wasn't he?
Just because you weren't official, I don't think that gave him a free card to mess around with other women. I respect what llifton says about you being unofficial, but in the UK it's a little different and open dating isn't the norm (admittedly it's becoming more so), especially between a young couple, at least one of whom is a virgin and considers themselves traditional or conservative. He wasn't being open about, anyway.
OP, sorry to confirm your fears but there's something wrong about this. You're not stuck with this guy because you lost your virginity to him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 February 2013):
When the woman answered the phone what did she say? What did you say?
If he TRULY had lost it and someone found it they would (if they were honest) say hey this is not my phone and I found it at XZY place.
I think your gut is telling you that something is up, something is off and you NEED to listen to that.
What it comes down to is this, DO YOU want to be with a guy you don't trust 100%?
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (28 February 2013):
 "I have found out recently that hes been lying to me about where he goes. Or if hes on a night out, all communication would stop till the next morning. He used to let me know when he was home. I guess it became a habit.
....... I called him when I couldnt sleep recently and a girl answered his phone....at 5am in the morning."
That's the clearest evidence of cheating I've heard of, short of finding him in bed with someone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): Hi there are warning signs but before you end thing, you need to be 100% sure as you will ether regret or second guess whether you made the right decision.
So I would start paying careful attention to the calls/sms he makes/receives. I would also want to know where he goes on teh night off. Some might disagree but I would follow him as this issue will continue to bother you until you bring closure.
I must admit the signs might prove that your instinct were correct so be prepared for what may come your way.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (28 February 2013):
 I can hear your instincts screaming out in your letter, "He's cheating on you and he's lying about it". I experienced the same thing with my ex husband. You are getting all the signs honey. You seem to be a very principled woman. Believe me when I tell you this. He'll regret losing you, and you'll find someone better than him.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (28 February 2013):
i know you two shared different values when it came to sex but i guess in my perspective, what he did before you two became an official couple isn't considered cheating. maybe it was distasteful on his behalf, but it really isn't cheating until you've both made a commitment to only be with each other.
as for the female voice answering his phone, i'm sure i'm gonna receive some flack on this one, but a part of me believes he's possibly telling the truth on that one. maybe he really did lose his phone. the reason i say this is because if he went home with some other girl, why on earth would he allow this woman to answer his phone? i don't know about anyone else, but if i put myself in his shoes, and i were (which i would never do) cheating on my partner, and she called me at 5 am, i'd de DAMN SURE that girl didn't get her hands on my phone and answer it. i'd go so far out of my way to prevent that from happening. so i find it hard to believe he'd allow that to happen if he were with someone else.
as for the lying about being with other women. there's a couple of possibilities:
1. it's possible he's experienced and has slept with more women than he's let on because he realizes how important it is to you for him to be a virgin or not have slept with many women. so it's a possibility he lied so that you'd want to be with him.
2. he may not have slept with anyone else and he really was boasting to his friends. perhaps he lied and told his friends he has slept with other women to sound cool, and when you put him on the spot in front of his friends, he had to confirm the lie he told them in the past.
only you can decide what you do from here. i would certainly have my guard up and be concerned. but whether or not you break up with him or stick it out and give him a chance is your call.
good luck!
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (28 February 2013):
 You have every right to be suspicious of your boyfriend. And from the sounds of it, he IS and HAS been cheating on you. While you state that you don't think he is a cheater, it sounds like you haven'd had that much experience dating... You could be fooling yourself by saying he doesn't seem like the cheating type and he also could be taking advantage of your naivety.
Not only that, but it would appear that your boyfriend and you have different views on sex. I get the impression that you reserved sexual privileges to a man you will marry. While your boyfriend seems to have done some significant experimentation.
If I were you, I'd certainly try to get to the bottom of why a woman answered his phone at 5AM. That has red flags all over it and your boyfriend's excuse seems flimsy.
Ultimately the decision as to whether you break up with him is up to you. Hopefully you take a look at his true character -- now that more has been revealed -- and do what you need to find what you are looking for.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (28 February 2013):
 He did not sleep with her but did something close to climax? That's a lie. Even if they used their hands only he did something he's not supposed to. So if they didn't cum it didn't count as sex? You had been dating for 6 months. It's a very long time to be asking about relationship status. A clue to when someone is lying is that sometimes he is evasive, sometimes he supplements with a lot of unecessary yet contradicting details. Before it was one person or two (what?), then later it's with other girls also.
If a girl took the phone home she would have told you that she found the phone and asked you how to return it to him. If she stole it and decided to keep it she would not want to answer any calls.
You don't think he is the cheating type? He showed a lot of signs of cheating. You just began to know the real him.
It doesn't matter how many men it takes for you to find the real one. Don't stay with him and put up with lies because of your ideal of only loving one man.
I guess a lot of things can be explained away but he sounds dodgy. I don't like people who go out at night frequently. He has his second phone so he has no excuse of not getting in touch with you. A cheater will never admit to anything.
I think he lied because he saw you came from a conservative family and did not want to lose you. It's very hard for a man to stay celebate for more than 6 months. The lies only made things worse.
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