A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry, guys, this is kinda long.STORY TIMEWhen I was 17, my boss held a huge Christmas party at a hotel. There, a friend of mine introduced me to his single friend who was very charming and sexy. Long story short, we ended up having a one night stand. Never called him back. Never gave him my number. It was a perfect "The End."Now, I am 18 and will be going into my second term of college on January. As required by my school, I went to personal interviews with the staff I will be learning under. One of the interviews was with "One Night Stand" guy, who is going to be my Honors Directed Study Coordinator. During the interview, both of us did not mention one second of the Christmas party but I swear to God I could almost hear his heart beating. Due to the details of the school program, I've been meeting with him several times a week since the beginning of November. It's gotten better to suppress the memory up until this past Tuesday when he asked me out for coffee. I've been refusing him but made an about face this morning and went out to Starbucks with him. We didn't talk about the office party but we definitely weren't talking about schoolwork either.QUESTION PARTIn all honesty, I don't know whether or not to shoot this thing down before it turns into something serious. Could this be detrimental to his position at school, and mine? I like him, sure, but I don't know how much he'll like me when he finds out I wasn't a minor when we had sex.Counsel me, reprimand me, I'm all ears either way.Thanks, guys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, guys, for all of your advice.
I never had the intent of seeking out something serous with him, I guess I meant to say if it turns out to be serious on HIS part. Even now, I'm afraid that he's a creep that enjoys pursuing me so, yes, I am worried about my scholarship that I've fought to earn to go to this school. It sounds stupid but I am actually afraid of how this man will react when he learns I don't like him that way or when I start giving him the cold shoulder I would have liked to give him.
Thank you very much, site. I won't be accepting his invites in the future and I will talk to my proctor to see if I can have another HDSC to study with.
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (28 November 2010):
 The first thing you need to do is to request a different Study Coordinator. If anybody found out you were seeing this man, both of you could get in trouble with the college... and he could lose his job.
This guy used you for sex. If he had wanted anything more then that he would have asked for your phone number. I don't see why he would suddenly change his mind and decide he wants a relationship. More likely, he sees you as easy sex, and that's all. This man would only hurt you in the end.
Besides, your probably not the first student he has asked out for coffee... and you're unlikely to be the last. This guy is bad news.
What do you think you will do? Keep us updated. Good luck!
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (28 November 2010):
 College is a turning point and you deserve to have the best advantage possible for mentoring, etc. Go to his office and tell him that yes, you remember he is the "one night stand" guy and yes, you were a minor (he probably does already know) and that you want to remain completely professional. No coffee dates, no anything outside of his professional obligation to you. He's probably freaking out a bit that you will "tell."
If that doesn't work, it might not be a bad idea if you somehow found a way to get a different study director. You don't have to (and shouldn't) tell anyone why, just say this is an important person in your college experience and the two of you just aren't clicking.
If this situation continues, even if you keep it professional, the past will always be there so somehow both of you need to sort it out somehow.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): This is a case of business before pleasure. Go no further with this, he has a role in your life now, an important professional role. You need him to perform that role well to get the best out of your education and you can't afford to let anything jeopardize that.
This could destroy your position at school and could get him fired. You had the perfect end that night. Leave it there. Keep it friendly and keep it as just coffee and only on college grounds. No more social interaction outside.
This is your long term future that is at risk. What happens if something serious did happen? He could get fired, he might start doing you favours and get caught, you could be reprimanded, you might hurt him and he might take revenge by messing with your college life?
There are far too many risks involved in this. Way too many to make any kind of relationship not matter how casual worth while.
Plus the guy is a statutory rapist. He already knows this, you've only just started college sure it's pretty obvious how old you are, he has your records and stuff too, plus he probably knows from your friends how old you are.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): i already assumed you were a minor then, based on the ages you listed in your question, when i wrote my answer. Am looking forward to any further followups you post to see what you decide. Best wishes to you.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (28 November 2010):
 Wow! sounds like a script from a good film doesnt it? My advice to you would be to stop seeing him ouside of school. He will lose his job if it comes out that's for sure. If you had the one night stand and that was it that should have told you there and then, you got over it. Put it in the past. If you don't heed this advice you are in for a lot of upset over it and your life ahead will be affected for ever.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): he won't care if he finds out you weren't a minor, he was using you, and the fact that he is asking you out for coffee afer knowing you're a student, shows that... you need to cut this off before you get hurt... YOU will be the one to get hurt, not him... who here agrees with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): i think it would be very detrimental to his career and compromise you too if you allow it to continue.
Both of you can do potential damage to each other.
He may be concerned that you will ask to be moved to another teacher.
Then the inevitable questions of 'why?'
And any implication that he has done anything improper can hurt his career.
It is a minefield for him.
Do not accept another invitation to coffee, extra private tutoring etc.
While he is vulnerable in all this, so are you.
He has a chance to pressure you for sex. By suggesting better marks if you say yes, and poorer marks if you are reluctant.
I think the safest option would be to ask that he not ask you to be alone with him again while you attend this education establishmment.
After you have graduated, and if he still wants to re-establish contact, and if you are still interested, then any renewed contact will have to wait until then. In the interim you both need to agree not to be alone together. And not to ever discuss your previous contact with anyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry, ya'll, I typoed the last part. It's "I was* a minor when we had sex"
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