A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony Aunts ^^My boyfriend of a year and a half have recently broken up. We've been good friends since eleventh grade and we started going out in twelfth. We've always gotten along very well and loved each other very much. However, when we graduated and had to part ways we still wanted to be together just like every other lovestruck teenage couple. He gave me a teddy bear and we named him Tobie and we like to pretend that he's our adopted son. (DONT LAUGH lol.. ) We spent most of the summer talking everyday and every night on Skype and playing online video games together. We spend the first few months in different universities in different countries talking to each other every day and every night trying to make up for the time difference. Eventually I started to feel like it was becoming a chore waiting for him just to talk and eventually he felt like all he wanted was to just be alone and have some time for himself. We ended up just breaking up and parting ways though we ended on a very good note and told each other we can't simply forget everything we've done together as well as the time we spent together. We're still friends and we talk every day or every other. He still sends me pictures of things he does that day or things he saw. He's talked to me until I fell asleep and said goodnight in that way like he used to when we were going out.. We haven't really touched the subject of the breakup since it actually happened. I'm not quite sure how to word my question but I'm just wondering what some of your opinions may be on the situation? Is it a good situation or a bad one? Should we stay like this or not? Should we talk about it or just ignore it? Did we break up for the wrong reasons? I feel like my feelings for him a growing into a family kind of fondness. I feel like I'll be devastated if we don't talk anymore but I feel fine talking to him and not having any romantic feelings for him. I want him to know that he means a lot to me but just not in that same way as before, in a different way but of equal magnitude. I think he has some sort of misunderstanding that I still love him and I'll take him back in a heartbeat if he gave me the okay and it's not like that at all. I ask myself everyday if I would go back to him and the answer in my heart and head as well is no. Maybe if we were in the same province, or city things may change if we could talk face to face again but ever since long distance things haven't been the same.. Thank you for your time.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (27 November 2012):
 Well you cant have broken up for the wrong reasons if you are happy with the break-up - you have said yourself you dont have romantic feelings for him anymore and you wouldnt go back to him. So the break-up sounds like it was 100% for the right reasons, and you are happier with the situation now.
I guess it is up to you what happens next and what would make you happier. Would you prefer to clarify with him that you dont want to get back together and that you dont feel the same anymore? Or are you happy with things the way you are now and would prefer to see how it goes just being friends?
We cant decide that for you, you can just leave it be and remain friends, and let the feelings fade gradually on both sides over time. Alternatively if you are worried about him asking to get back together, then tell him that you dont feel the same and you wont be anything more than friends ever again.
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