A
female
age
30-35,
*anister
writes:Hi - I'm in a bit of a pickle. Over two months ago I broke up with my live in boyfriend because it just wasn't working out. We'd been arguing a lot (literally screaming at each other) and neither of us were happy. We weren't communicating well at all, I was moaning all the time that he wasn't romantic anymore, that he didn't do things for me etc etc and he was getting pissed off with my moaning. The reason I was unhappy was that I was lonely and bored. I'd recently moved out from a house I shared with my girlfriends, and we had so much fun and even though I loved my boyfriend and we spent a lot of time together and it was fine, I don't think either of us were prepared for moving in together. He spent a lot of time on his PC playing video games, he'd get home from work and go straight on the PC for a few hours and even when I'd get home from work he'd say hi but then I'd be by myself a lot. I was so lonely. I got a cat, but that seemed to cause more problems as it seemed to inflict more responsibility and pressure on us. One time I was working at the weekend over night and he at the last minute decided to go home for the weekend without telling me about it first, so I was left to have to sort care for the cat (shes a kitten and you can't leave them alone for so long) but I couldn't, so I had to leave her overnight, which really upset me. We got into a massive argument about this as he thought it was reasonable to give me one nights notice (at midnight the night before when I was at work from 12 the next day) and said that he should be able to be spontaneous whenever he wanted and go see his friends whenever he wanted. Anyway I digress.We had broken up for two months and he had moved out and after we broke up my friend started to text me as he had gone through a break up a year ago and seemed to understand what I was going through. He kept dropping hints about fancying me but I was completely broken hearted so made it clear repeatedly I wasn't interested. We met up in a group a few times completely as friends, and I got on well with his friends too, and I wasn't about to turn down new friends at a time like this. But anyway.My ex has always been crazy jealous and my new friend had commented on my facebook a lot, and put a profile picture and cover photo with me in it. I thought this a little creepy but didn't think much of it. Anyway one night a load of us were at my flat drinking and playing games when my ex started talking to me on facebook, telling me I was blatantly seeing this guy and that us (me and my ex) talking had gone on too long as it was and that it was nothing personal, but that we were done and he didn't want to keep talking to me. I replied saying nothing was going on, asking to talk about it but he sent me a short text, informing me 'the lads' were round, and that we would talk later. I was upset, and confided in my friend what had happened. I was very drunk, and we ended up kissing and fooling around, and he stayed the night, but we didn't sleep together. We would have had sex, but I didn't want to because I wasn't ready, and I told him that. He seemed to understand and was very kind about the whole thing. We made plans to go the German market later on (me half heartedly and guility in my hungover state, because I didn't want to be mean to him outright). He left, and THEN my ex started to talk to me. He told me he believed me, and asked me if i'd gotten with anyone. I said no. I texted my friend saying I didn't want to meet up, and that I needed time to figure stuff out in my head, as I was very confused and still in love iwht my ex. He understood, said he didn't want to ruin our friendship and that he'd always be there if I wanted to talk to him. Later on in the week, I texted him again saying basically that I feel terrible about what happened and that I was really really sorry, but we couldn't be friends anymore, and that I needed to only be around my close friends and family right now, as I was so messed up. Which I feel terrible about. But then he messaged my best friend on facebook saying he thinks I need someone to talk to right now...which I found a little controlling and weird, given that I tell my best friend everything...I feel terrible now, I'm still in love with my ex, and we've been talking really positively since it happened. I do believe he is my soulmate, if such a thing exists. We're just as weird as each other, we love each other, we have a great sex life, and I'm so comfortable around him. But...I haven't told him. I feel like I cheated, even though I know we were broken up for over 2 months. I know what I was thinking during this time. I was upset that he said he didn't want anything more to do with me, and that he'd tried to have a go at me. I just tried to force myself to move on, to feel better about myself for one, and to see if it fixed anything about my feelings for my ex. It didn't do either. I know that makes me sound like a horrible person but if I wasn't so drunk i NEVER would have done something like that. I've only every been intimate with my boyfriend before, and I was with him for 4 years.Anyway now I feel awful, if I told him I know he'd go crazy jealous, scream at me and never speak to me ever again and spread my name through mud. I still love him, I don't know if I want to get back with him or not, but part of me feels like we gave up too fast - especially now when we seem to have reached a greater understanding of what went wrong in our relationship (I get too stressed out and worried, he gets too angry). If I do get back with him I wouldn't want to lie to him, but I know how he will take this news, and it would really hurt him. It'd run the risk of us being over forever. Do I suffer the guilt in silence? Or do I come clean and take the consequences and accept them? He'd never see it as what it really was, a stupid decision I made when I was drunker than I've ever been in my life, which I regretted the instant the alcohol wore off. Help!
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a break, at work, best friend, broke up, drunk, facebook, jealous, kissing, move on, moved out, my ex, sex life, soulmate, text, video games Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): Am I the only one aware of the existence of STIs? Or does everyone else just pretend not to know about them because its no fun being responsible?
Any sexual contact, including oral = risk for your next partner. "I got tested" or "I used condoms" does not cover it.
A
female
reader, lanister +, writes (27 November 2012):
lanister is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks for the advice! Thing is it wasn't just kissing though, which would have been easier to deal with, it was more than that. It was basically all the lead up to sex (all the stuff a male can do to a female anyway...I was too drunk to do anything but lie there) without actually having it. I've only ever slept with my ex boyfriend before, and never anyone else. Just so you know lol.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2012): You and the boyfriend had broken up. So no need to feel guilty and no need to mention it if you do get back together. I would put this to rest and try a fresh start and hopefully your boyfriend is more mature enough to handle this fresh start. Dont let this get you down and dont risk losing the man you love because of a kiss that happened while your'll were not together.
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