A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I lost my girlfriend after 3 happy years together.I'm the type of guy who would have done anything for her. Moved the stars themselves just to be with her... And yet, I've recently heard that maybe this was why she left me!According to a source, apparently girls don't want guys who treasure them. They want 'bad boys' who they can then mould into somebody loving, yet rebelious at times.Please tell me this isn't true! That's not the guy I am, and what I'm hearing is; Girls don't want a guy who love them enough to do anything for them. If this is true, I may as well just give up. I'm the caring, loving guy that I thought I should have been, and I'm hearing that this may have cost me the woman I love!Please give me some guidance... Did offering my girlfriend the world bore her, and make her want to look for a "Challenge" elsewhere??*Note: To the person who gave me this information; please don't feel attacked or anything by this, I'm meerly seeing whether this is the case in the eyes of others. I really appreciate that you've tried to help me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (1 October 2007):
 I think it's like this: No one likes to be treated like crap. On the other hand, some nice guys are too clingy, too sappy, they think life with a woman is all roses and poetry. Yuck! That can be over-done. What I think most women want is a guy who's a little in-between. They need to have their own independence as a guy, which allows us to have ours. On the other hand, they value a woman enough to treat her with respect. But they're not afraid to stand up to her when SHE'S acting like a bitch, instead of just taking it and being walked all over because you're so-o-o in love with her that you overlook HER faults and let her get away with crap. Yet, they also know how to be cuddly and sweet at times. You can't be all doe-eyed over each other every moment you are together, that kind of relationship falls flat quickly. You don't have to be joined at the hip everytime you go out together either. That kind of clinginess is usually a bit of a turn off, unless you're 14 yrs.old. Sometimes it helps to be a bit of a mystery, a bit of a puzzle of intrigue. You can still be a nice guy, just don't be such an open book all the time. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Mushgirl +, writes (30 September 2007):
 This is why girls (only SOME girls) like 'bad boys'... say a girl is dating a 'nice guy'. She knows he would always do anything he could for her. However, if she dates a 'bad boy' who treats her like crap, on the few occasions that he treats her lovingly, it will stand out more against all the horrible things he does. Like, 'Whoa, he's being SO NICE', when all he's done is give her a hug or something.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): You are ABSOLUTELY doing the right thing by being the kind of guy you are. The advice that that person gave you may be true for young and immature girls,but it is not true for most WOMEN.
That is all I want, its what I want so so bad for my boyfriend to feel like towards me.
Dont change yourself
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A
female
reader, Ssmit +, writes (29 September 2007):
You seems to be a really nice guy! And I can ensure you that girls wanted to be taken care of. I don't think that your ex-girlfriend left you because you would do anything for her. Maybe she was trying to get clear what she wanted and expected of an relationship. Although it is obvious that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship. Because then she would talked about it with you. Stay who yourself are and someday there will be a girl who wants you for what you really are!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): i have just had the same happen to me and i do think that girls like to be indepenent but at the same time some of them do not want a relationship to blossom into something beautiful and this can be put down to that they are immature or they just are'nt ready to have a relationship but once they come to maturity then they will look you up because they remember what you were really like and you should never change because in the end they will know what they are missing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): That last responder said this:
"A mature woman, when she's ready to settle down, will ALWAYS choose a nice guy who treats her with respect, etc. . . "
And that is exactly the point. The "mature" women will like you WHEN THEY'RE READY TO SETTLE DOWN and not before. (The immature ones just won't ever stop chasing bad-boys at all.)
First the "mature" women will go through the long string of bad boys who get to treat them like crap and use them for sex. THEN after a bunch of years, a nice guy like you gets to have a well-used girl with emotional problems that will never really go away. It's no accident that nice guys were mentioned so close to the word "settle" either.
And there's one more bonus: If you have a problem dealing with her past sex life (that was three times as sexy-partner-filled as you ever even had the chance to try), then she'll call you "immature" and "egotistical" for having those feelings at all, much less understand them.
Am I getting through to you? Girls like this aren't worth then effort. Not by a long shot. Not when they're young and chasing bad-boys and not when they're older and ready to "settle" for you.
The good news is that there are some girls out there who don't chase the bad-boy so much. They're definitely a much smaller group than the bad-boy chasers, but they do exist. Seek them out and put your time and effort into the ones who are worth it.
You don't have to be a bad-boy, but just don't be too easy. You don't have to be a total jerk just to make yourself a little bit challenging sometimes. Although its never good to get too far away from who you really are though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): No, not all girls want the challenge. My guy adores me, and I know it... and I adore him all the more for it.
HOWEVER, there is a fine line between adoration and smothering -- and it IS human nature to appreciate something more when you've had to work for it a little.
It's kind of like Christmas --- imagine you're sitting there being given all these gifts... after a while, although you still appreciate each one, it loses its buzz somewhat.
Then you watch someone open something you've taken the time to go out & buy -- you watch their face as they open it & you can see they love it, and you feel like a million bucks --- i.e. you get a whole different buzz being the giver. That's what seems to be missing in your relationship, from the sounds of it.
I think the balance is being open and giving (as you are), but tempering that by injecting a healthy level of unavailability into the relationship [i.e. letting her call you or do things for you]. This allows a girl to feel loved & valued, whilst still wanting to do her part to make you feel loved & appreciated... and that gives her the buzz that she just can't get from being the receiver all the time!
Hope this helps somewhat!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): I don't think that being a nice guy and loving your girlfriend is what made your girlfriend leave.
I think that teenage relationships generally come to an end at some point. You both have a lot of life ahead of you and you need to get out in the world and experience more of life on your own as a single adult in order to learn more about yourself and what makes you happy....and your girlfriend may have instinctively known it was time for her to fly.
That said, I think some guys can make the mistake of being too clingy, needy and even controlling of their girlfriends, in effect pushing them away....if you don't think this was you, then I would not change your ways.
Nice guys are where it's at. Some girls go through a stage of dating a series of dangerous bad boys, as it is sexually exciting, they like drama, and they move from one bad relationship to another...this is a function of their immaturity. A mature woman, when she is ready to settle down, will ALWAYS choose a nice guy who treats her with respect, kindness and love....so don't you go turning into a jerk and take it out on the next girl for thinking your girlfriend dumped you for being too nice. Be who you really are.....and you will find a girl who is equally nice and deserves you.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 I'd tone it down a bit. Girls love to be loved, feel loved, appreciated, and taken care of, but they also treasure their independence.
There are some girls that like the bad boys, but not all of them. I think you just over did the love. Too much of it can make a girl feel devalued. It's not about who you would give them, it about what makes them feel special, safe, loved and independent.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): If a girl in love with you, she'd adore the way you act if you are like you say you are. This girl obviously didn't love you, a lot of girls like a guy who'd do anything for them, not all girls want the bad boy so don't put us ALL into one group.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will quickly say for the record that; I was not a doormat. My girlfriend was not in anyway inclined to take advantage of my feelings for her. I think I was just a bit of a 'love fool' so to speak.
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