A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy on dating site he is from Europe and I'm from Africa. We met in person 3 times, he met my family twice and its been 19 months since we are in a relationship.Before 4 months he gave me an engagement ring and I accept we have different religion which bothers me.I told him about it and he promise me we will solve it or we can have civil marriage.I told him religion will be a problem for us and thought it seem not happy about.He says he can accept my religion. He has plans to invest at my city and we collect the information.He says when he comes next time he will register and we also meet a local business and talk about partnership and ask me to process and contact them until he come back. Some how some times when we talk about marriage he say "we have different culture" , "We have a huge age gap", "I have to settle different things", "I have been married 2 times and it didn't work and I'm scared" and he say he will do every thing he can to make this relationship work. I told him it's ok and he can have a time to work things out.Then I feel sick and I told him that and he say can ask his doctor for advice few days later he told me that his doctor told him that the treatment that I need to get is not available in my country so that he told me if I marry him I could get the treatment for free and we need to start the processes for that soon. I have no interest of living out of my home land and I told him this the first time we meet so I think about what he say and I told him that I agree with his and his doctor suggestion and he told me that we need to have a civil wedding and religion comes next.I also agree and he I told him I'm going to ready for my wedding and he say me too. He is in his country and we discuss through mail and whatapp.Then next day I send message but he didn't reply then I wait but no reply I ask him if everything is ok, he say he is pondering about our future.I said if the marriage and me coming to his country doesn't make him comfortable or he has his plans I don't want to be a an obstacle for him.If I got treatment I will cure and I don't want him to worry, and he say he have a bad experience in the past (2 divorces), he hurt b/c he trust people and now he is feeling like a scared child waiting to be beaten and he didn't want me to misunderstand this.He is only thinking what the best for me and him in our life and ask me to consult my brother may be he understand little more as a man.I told him I want to have a husband especially with my disease for not knowing what will happen to me and I'm not feeling good that he come for a week and left then I wait for months, and I ask him he didn't believe I will be a good wife or he didn't trust he will be a good husband ?He say the point of view is different, culture, age.. and I ask his conclusion and he say time to pondering and please be quite for a while and let your man pondering the he got offline.I feel so bad, he was the one who ask me to begin the process soon , he was the one who told me about being married.I didn't raise the issue so I write this "Take time and decide then let me know. Tomorrow in the morning I want to get your answer, if it can't workout just say it" Then he back online after minutes.He was angry and told me if I realize how much disrespectful were my words to the man that I declare being my man.Then he block me on whatsapp.Next day I got email from him he say I don't understand what happen to us and he feel sad b.c his life crashed in facing me real and that he is disappointed with my aggressive and impolite words. That is not acceptable and pleasant for him and it's like a glass broken into thousand pieces never can be fixed again. He say I always live in my dream never pounded his words, and he always aware of I were watching to wards marriage and he agree but marriage means different thing for men and women, to and old man and young woman, for an already experience...He say "if you are not able and ready to understand this you don't have to reply and don't get any risk to move into worst. reply only to let me understand to understand what I'm saying.Time and silence sometimes redeem wounds. Don't use empty home, sweetie useless love formula, even thought I'd like to think of you always as my little xxxx."I really do not understand what is going onI never expect my words will hurt this much.He was the one who talk about marrying me,I still did not reply. I don't know if I have to end this or reply him. n read and tell me what he is up to I couldn't understand this man. Especially men readers!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2017): I completely agree with the other posters here. This man DOES sound like bad news, and he is manipulative. I, too, agree that you should avoid this man and move on, because you definitely deserve someone who wouldn't use your health as means to get what he wants. I am a man, I understand my fellow men, and what you said so far got me highly alerted.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (26 January 2017):
 Please do not marry him. You barely know each other and he is the one being rude. He's rushing things and trying to manipulate you to move to his country, even though you don't want to. He's even using your health to try to force you into it.
This man doesn't seem to want a wife; he just wants someone weak and easy to manipulate - you are not weak, don't allow him to make you rush things.
I think you need to block this man, as he seems like bad news.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 January 2017):
 The only one I see being "disrespectful" is your man friend. If he is already talking/writing to you like that, then what will he be like if you were to get married and live together? Would he expect you to bow down to him and tell him he is right all the time, even when you disagree with something? Would he allow you to have any opinion which differed from his? I would love to speak to his ex wives and find out why the marriages failed - even though I have a strong feeling I already know at least a large part of the answer. Personally I think you have had a very lucky escape. Sweetheart, you deserve better.
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