A
female
age
51-59,
*oody40
writes:my husband of 21 years told me he had sex with another women 1 month before we got married. when we were married i got pregnant on our honeymoon, after i had the baby i ended up with a std, i was 18 when we got married an was stupid i really did not understand std's. just recently i had my yearly and my doctor spoke to me about my pap smears if any were abnormal when i told her yes she looked back at my records and mentioned the std. i questioned my husband again about his passed sex life he never really liked to talk about it, but he finally opened up and told me,i think everything, about the "one night stand", that he had in my home that we live in now, he lived here before we got married. my husband was a firefighter he went on alot of trips i now always wonder if he cheated on me when he was on those trips. he told me that the fireman went to alot of strip clubs and that he got lap dances, what do i think. i am so hurt and confused, i don't know if i trust him or not. we have 3 wonderful chidren. i don't know what to do. pleae can someone help with some advice.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 November 2008):
 It would be helpful to know what STD we're talking about here. If it is an abnormal pap smear and the cause is HPV, the human papilloma virus, PLEASE make sure you have talked about this with your doctor thoroughly and understand your situation and what sort of aftercare you need.
Your exposure to an STD without your knowledge or consent is exactly the situation I find most reprehensible in infidelity. One partner cheats, gets exposed to something, then brings it home to his or her spouse, where it may cause health problems. I HATE that! (I'm assuming that you have been faithful all this time, and weren't exposed due to another man.)
Now, having had my little rant, let me just say that it is possible that he was exposed BEFORE he married you, was a silent carrier of whatever the STD is and passed it on after you two married.
So I think you should have another conversation with your doctor, to fully understand what type of STD you had, how it is transmitted and what its consequences may be. I would be very upfront with the doctor that you need to know this information so that you can set your mind at ease, or confirm your suspicions. It is only fair to you that you understand what's happening in your body.
Then when you have this information, you can have that talk with your husband. It may all be well in the past, before you were married. Then again, he may have cheated on you and brought something home to you.
One other thing, until he's been seen by his doctor and given the all-clear, and you've confirmed this, you should think about using condoms. He needs to understand this his past behavior has serious health consequences for you.
This all depends on what STD you had and what is happening with the abnormal pap smear. You need to have that talk with your doctor, as well as his doctor.
I understand you're unhappy and confused and doubting him, so please try to think as calmly and rationally as you can. Good luck.
A
female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (25 November 2008):
 Your husband is and has always showns signs of someone who's not ready to settle down. Having a sexual fling before his wedding, hitting strip clubs. This is not a man you can trust. He wants his cake and be able to eat her too. Yes, he gave you an STD.
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