A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. He is 35 years old. I am concerned because my boyfriend and I have not had penetrative sex for well over a year now. The last time we had penetrative sex was extremely painful for me and I couldn't help but yell out in pain. Since then I found out that I had a medical condition that caused it and this has now resolved. Do you think this has affected his libido? At first he was so sweet and reassuring about it, but now he has become quite distant. It is getting to the point where it feels like he is avoiding being alone with me. I am worried that he is getting sex elsewhere because I know he had a fairly strong sex drive prior to this and I am sure it isn't normal for men not to want sex for that length of time! Although we have occasionally had great non-penetrative sex, I would like to try penetrative sex again as I have a high sex drive and it is driving me crazy not being able to be intimate with him. Is he worried about hurting me again or is there something more to it than that? I can't seem to open up communication with him to get this issue resolved. I can't decide if he is the world's most patient man or if he is getting it elsewhere! What I do know is that I can't carry on on in this state of limbo. I am on the verge of ending the relationship because I can't see the way forward. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): Wow, with the complete lack of communication and avoidance in this relationship, I'm sure it would come as no surprise to you that he may be getting his needs met elsewhere and is certainly a very good probability. Many couples can carry on like things are perfectly normal and put up a happy facade while leading a double life. I find it strange but it happens all the time! I'd say there are many more issues in your relationship than just sex. The only reassuring sign here is that you are aware enough that something doesn't feel quite right and you want to end it, so that shows you do have a healthy reaction to a very abnormal situation. Before you do anything, I think you should see a therapist and start looking at your inability or fear of emotional intimacy/communication because it may be something that can improve your relationship- maybe you and your boyfriend can grow and learn together.
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