A
male
age
30-35,
*rums4life
writes:I am currently 18 and i am in love with my ex girlfriend who is 17!!! I broke up with her about six months ago because she was so busy with school work and alot of peer pressure at school . Since then we have talked on and off and she recently went to prom with me and we had an amazing time. Afterwards i took her on a horse carriage ride and i told her that i was really sorry for breaking her heart and that i still truly have feelings for her. I also told her that she means alot to me and that i have never had so much fun in my life when we were together and she said the same. I told her that i wanted her back so bad and that i would never give up hope. She is recently talk to this guy who is a jerk and they have also dated before.It really broke me when she had told me this but i did not let it show on the outside and we continued with our conversation. She says that as of right now she see's me as a friend because we dont talk as much as we used to, but i was just trying to give her space at the time. Her Family loves me and my family loves her and everything was just so perfect. I told her that i would always be there for her when she needed someone and i told her that i would never give up pursuing her no matter how long it took or even all the obstacles i might have to go through to win her back. I know for a fact that she knew i was sorry and that i was being completely honest with her. since the breakup i have grown as an individual so much and i have learned not to care about what other people but rather instead to enjoy life being who i am. I truly know now that those reasons for breaking up with her should have not let that get in the way. I am just asking for someone (guy or girl) to give me some advice on how to get her back or even tell me if i said the right things to her. Please be honest in your responses because she truly means the world to me!!!!
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male
reader, drums4life +, writes (22 May 2011):
drums4life is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for the great advice guys
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): Without knowing all the details, here is my advice:1. Respect her new relationship. If she starts going out with the other guy, you need to be respectful of that. At the start of any relationship, everything seems perfect. She probably thinks this other guy walks on water and he probably treats her like a princess. If you come in and bad mouth him or try to belittle the relationship, you're not going to win points with her. It would just make her angry and defensive and she would want to be around you even less2. I don't know how long you dated her, but since you love her, chances are it was a long relationship and she loved you as well. Think back to when the two of you first met. What was it that attracted her to you? What little things made her fall in love with you? What did you do that made her smile or laugh? Start reminding her of these things. Not by telling her, but by your actions. Being yourself when you are around her is probably your best bet. Obviously there was something about you that she loved. Let her see that boy again. Surprise her with little notes, visits, or text messages. Invite her to go to the zoo for a day (do you have any little sisters or brothers - great excuse to invite her to the zoo). Leave a flower tucked under her windshield wipers with a simple note. Try to talk to her often, even if just by sending a quick 'hi' via text. Out of site, out of mind, as you've learned by not talking to her as much over the past 6 months.3. Build the friendship and the trust. If you broke up with her, chances are you broke her heart. You don't mention if you've had any girlfriends in the past 6 months, but if you did, the hurt she experienced is probably even deeper. Her actions of talking to someone else after 6 months are completely normal, because as far as she knew, you were done with her. Make a concentrated effort to rebuild the friendship you once had and at the same time, you can earn back her trust. No relationship will last without a strong foundation of these two things.4. Be patient. Your patience will show how true your love is for this girl. You may have a lengthy wait ahead of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): Hey there! For your main question you did tell her the right thing because you let her know that your there for her! And she only talked to someone else because you guys didn't talk like yall use to so she thought its best to move on but I can't tell you how to get her back you don't want to be annoying to her you just have to wait till she ready to be in a relationship with you again. Honestly it won't be long because you told her how you felt which most guys don't do so when she know that you care she will be around you more. The best thing for now is be there for her and don't change just because she talk to some other guy she can always have the same feelings for you aswell. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, drums4life +, writes (9 May 2011):
drums4life is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for the advice!!!! This will really help me alot
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (9 May 2011):
 "I told her that i would always be there for her when she needed someone and i told her that i would never give up pursuing her no matter how long it took or even all the obstacles i might have to go through to win her back."Now, this is a very kind, thoughtful, respectful thing to say. It shows you care about her and want her to be happy. But it was the wrong thign to say. There are ways of cummincating all of those good things, but this just isn't one of them.Telling her you'll always be there basically gives her a free pass to pursue her ex, knowing your approval and love is not conditional to treating you with the same love and approval. Saying you'll never give up pursuing her makes you look desperate, and again lets her know she can get away with murder since your love isn't conditional.The bit about "obstacles" is basically nonsense, and she knows it. Women aren't video games, you don't complete a predefined set of tasks and get her love at the end. If anything, jumping when she says "Frog" will only make her like you less. All you can do is be worthy of love and let her decide - while respecting yourself enough to expect her to be worthy of love.Girls want a guy who respects himself. They want a guy will will neither treat her badly, nor accept shabby treatment in return. Yes, you broke up with her, but seeing that you haven't moved on while she has found another guy (even just briefly for flirting) will only decrease her respect and desire for you. Seeing that you will let her fool around with a new guy, or put up with waiting and bad feelings while allowing her to do as she pleases, will decrease her attraction to you.Generally, breakups should be considered final. Sprobably thinks so. Even if you said all the right things, she probably would still move on. Your best bet (still a long shot) would be to tell her how good the two of you were together, and how happy the two of you were. Say, "It's easy to miss that." Everything should be in abstract or group terms ("We were good together," or "Life was a lot of fun back then"). You want to sound almost like you're still together, not focusing on yourself or presuming to speak for her. If she gets nostalgic and wants to try again, she will. Otherwise, you have to be ready to just move on, not wait for her.I'm not sure if it would be possible to work that into the conversation after the last one, but it's the best shot I can see. The longer you wait for her, and the more she sees that you can't move on, the less inclined she'll be to change anything, though.
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