A
female
age
51-59,
*randy66
writes:MOD NOTE: DID YOUR BOYFRIEND GET OFFENDED, WHY ARE YOU ASKING HOW THE VOLUNTEER AGONY AUNTS WOULD RESPOND? I was looking for honest feedback without me possibly swaying what they felt with the outcome. Yes, he was offended. His response was, a sarcastic "thanks", he stomped off angry and slammed the bedroom door behind him. He felt I put him down. It wasn't my intention at all.Scenario: My partner has been drinking, about an entire bottle of wine. He's pretty toasted. We been noticing lately some of our wine is skunked, other times not. A new bottle has been opened and I'm having my first glass. It tastes good. I ask what he thinks of this bottle. He says it doesn't taste any different. I'm thinking, often people joke, drink the good stuff first because you won't notice the bad (not at this particular time because it's good) if it's all you have haha, and he's pretty much at that place. I said you probably can't tell because you've already had a lot haha.Would this conversation be something you'd jokingly agree or not agree about and keep going on with your night or would you be offended by my comment? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Brandy66 +, writes (2 February 2020):
Brandy66 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you WiseowlE for your feedback. You made some good points. Dually noted, thank you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2020): Sarcasm, snark, and humor are not synonymous words. An intoxicated person loses their capacity to filter or deciphering the playful intentions behind bitter-sweet humor. They'll only get the bitter-part, but not the humor! All their inhibitions are lowered by the alcohol; so their mood can switch from nice to nasty in the blink of an eye!
When the thought-processes and judgement are impaired by alcohol; even a compliment could be taken in offense. It's best not to use your cocky brand of humor when someone is visibly intoxicated; because they may turn belligerent.
Is he a new boyfriend? You should know his moods and behavior pretty well; if you've been together for any reasonable length of time. It's just not a good idea to poke fun at someone you know to be intoxicated; or you may not like the response you get. It's best to save your zingers for when he's sober and in a good-mood!
If you're usually sarcastic or have a mocking style of humor; people will develop a distaste for it rather quickly. Drunk or sober! It might not have been what you said, but the tone you used when you said it. It's only funny when everybody is laughing besides yourself!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 February 2020):
 Would I have been offended?
No, if the wine tasted good and I had a buzz going, I'd probably not make a anything out of this.
However, 3 things.
1. If a wine taste "skunked" (I will presume that means it taste like crap) WHY keep drinking it? Even if that is "all you got"?!
2. Everything with moderation.
3. Someone who can't handle being told that they probably already had a lot (AKA drunk) might have an issue with alcohol or rather to control their intake, you add in that you obviously drink wine that taste like crap - THAT is something an alcoholic would do. For them it's NOT about the taste, it's about drinking until it's gone.
However, if he WASN'T drunk, I can see why he might have felt "touchy" about being called drunk. But GE should know you well enough (I presume) to know when you are kidding around, right?
Is he sensitive about the wine because HE bought the bad ones? Perhaps? Perhaps he feels that you are criticizing his "taste" in wine or abilities to buy a good one? It's hard to tell.
How about you two TALK as adults when NOT drinking about the episode? sort it out?
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A
female
reader, Brandy66 +, writes (1 February 2020):
Brandy66 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response. To answer your question, when I asked him, I had only had a few sips of my wine. I had been at the gym, came home, ate dinner, chatted a bit, took a shower, poured myself a glass and bam all hell broke loose. I was sober. I was quite surprised at his reaction, but I also knew that he was drunk and wasn't making sense. I didn't argue with him. All I said was sorry if I offended you, but in my mind I thought it was way over the top to react like that. But if I was out of line, I want to know because I'd own it. I really was coming from a kidding around, "drink the good stuff first" place (in my younger drinking days). He drinks far more than I do, I'm not even a heavy drinker.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2020): Question, were you drinking when you asked this question?In all honesty, drink in excess makes us snappy and not in control of our actions. That's why we are told to drink in moderation (that and many other reasons).Now your boyfriend seems to have had too much to drink and has just snapped - this could have happened at any point, nothing to do with what you said. He'd just had too much to drink, period!Don't get me wrong, it happens to many couples, usually ends in one half going to sleep it off and then mutual apologies the morning after and promises to drink less in future then probably laughter at the stupidity of the situation.In summary, you and your BF need to learn to drink less and recognise that trigger point /maximum you can take before you reach the snap point.
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