A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I kind of had one too many drinks on a first date and ended up texting my date after I got home some stupidity that I feel ruined my chances with him. He never called again.I usually NEVER drink on a date, but it ended up happening on the one that I felt most excited about :(I feel so dumb and wish I could go back in time. What are the odds of doing something like this with THIS guy? All other dates have been just fine when there was alcohol. Does everything really happen for a reason? He seemed like such a nice guy that I would want to get to know a lot better. How can I feel better about this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2016): its all very well insisting he was a nice guy and here you go blaming yourself for a first date that went sour but i think you do this because traditionally women always blame themselves. sometimes for years, thinking that they ruined a potential chance of a lifetime.Well maybe you should realise that it was not a chance of a lifetime,it could have been the start of a very slippery slope indeed.You think a random text ruined everything and this was because you drank alcohol and so you blame yourself.It never usually happens you say.Has it crossed your mind yet that he may have slipped a little of something into your drink to loosen you up a bit.Maybe he had something planned for the journey home and you so loosened up that you couldnt resist or refuse.All people project a charming image on first date but please wise up and see that not all charming people follow through with charming behaviour,Stop blaming yourself and be thankful that angels were protecting you that night.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 February 2016):
 Yep! most of the time everything happens for a reason and hey if 1st date boy can't see what happened is a fluke then too bad for him let it go. You did nothing wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2016): Hey, sweetheart! Don't sweat it! Attribute it to nerves and a little bit of eagerness. Then step-back just a little, and think about how much of your impression of him is truly the guy; and the rest embellished by a few drinks. We can all relate to your situation. You may have blown this one, but there will be others. It just may happen you will hear from him again sometime in the future. Bearing in mind, he can't fully evaluate your entire personality based on a single date. Maybe he may not have been that interested to start with.
Ever so often, people have "types." My opinion of that is "types" are people you want to have sex with; and you don't necessarily need any emotional attachment to be attracted.
You should be flexible and open-minded to explore a variety of personality-types, races, and nationalities; because doing so has a positive influence on your attitude, builds character, widens your outlook, and improves how you interact with others.
He may have decided at the beginning of the date, that you weren't his "type." Which can be very superficial and shallow at best. Having a mentally-conjured prototype of a person in mind is unrealistic. No one will ever fit everything on your list of criteria or attributes for the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend. In most cases, we don't fit our own high standards. We want the best, but may fall far below the bar we set for others.
Now forgive me if I should get a little preachy. It is never safe to consume too much alcohol on a date; much less with a virtual stranger. You may have had a few chats and exchanges of getting to know each other online perhaps; but you really don't know the guy. He doesn't know you either.
If he decided you're not dating or girlfriend material; he may have made that decision not soley on your tipsiness. Giving him benefit of the doubt, he may have had some bad experience with alcoholism or drinking. Perhaps it may be in his family. So he decided someone who drinks too much gets checked off the list. Be that the case, he has that right. It's wise.
He may have picked up a few things in discussion that didn't ring well with him. We all go on dates with a list of criteria and deal-breakers. Well, at least we should.
Sometimes in nervousness we overshare, and we may be judged on the spot. It isn't fair, but we all have that option.
Please don't feel too badly, and don't place him up on a pedestal. He may be a nice guy, but we all have faults.
If you're given to drinking heavily, I might suggest you not have alcohol at all on dates. Keep it sober. It might also help to curb your consumption when socializing as a
rule. It's a bad habit to start, and there really is no excuse for it. It may be an indication you have a tendency to self-medicate with alcohol for nerves or distress. That's not good. Alcohol is false-courage, and often leads to bad judgment and lowering of your defenses. It's okay to let loose and celebrate; if you know for certain you're safe and with someone prepared to take care of you. You really should be in the proper state of mind to take care of yourself at all times. Not only on dates.
You should also be open-minded, sober, and attentive when on a date. In order to wisely evaluate the personality of your company. Encourage him to talk about himself, and listen. That way you don't do all the talking, and shower him with nervous chatter. Being to self-aware and trying too hard to hold his attention made you self-conscious. Thus likely to drink more. You'll get to know more about whom and what you're basing your feelings and impressions on by keeping a clear head. One glass of wine is enough on a first date. Perhaps a single cocktail. If at a party, carry a drink around as long a you can. I do that all the time. No one knows it's the same glass you always had. The point is sobriety and self-control. You can tie one on when you're out with your girlfriends. Not while on a date!
You really think he's a nice guy? Perhaps, but we all have faults and weaknesses. You just didn't get to see his on one date. He did get to see one of yours. I will be honest and say; too much drinking almost always makes bad impressions. It should.
Chalk this up to a lesson learned. It is unlikely you will do it again; because it would only upset a really nice person, to feel so badly about it. You're young, single, and available; and will have more opportunities. This one was fate's way of telling you to mind your alcohol consumption, and what abuse of it can cost you. There is always a divine reasoning behind things, and it is how our destiny is shaped. For all you know, you may have ducked a bullet. He may not be anything like what he seems.
Best of luck next time, my dear!
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A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (20 February 2016):
 Hi Hun
I think things do happen for a reason!
Please forgive yourself and move on.
I could tell you loads of tales from my life where I've regretted stuff after a drink.
It's easy to have that one too many when you are nervous.
You haven't ruined your life I promise
You may have dodged a bullet x
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (20 February 2016):
None of us are prefect,we all do things we should not do and with particular people.Try and not be so hard on yourself over this matter.That is what is meant when they say-You have learned a hard lesson.So turn this experience into a Positive and dont over drink again.The situation could be with this guy ,that he hates drink and maybe has a very good reason for that.one will never knows.Just use this as a learning curve,and enjoy life.Best luck .NORA B.
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