A
female
age
30-35,
*asierToFallThanToForget
writes:So me and this guy have been dating off and on since may 08. We have dated a total of three times: once from may-june, once from september-october and then december to now. Both times i was the one to break things off. Each time the reason given was different but all had a similarity: i was afraid of getting hurt. (i have/had some major trust issues, especially when it comes to guys). In both cases there was girl that i thought he liked that liked him. Both times it was girls he knew well. So, knowing him, i was afraid he would stay with me just becuase i had him first. So i broke things off the first time. However, within just few days i began to miss him, even the things that previously annoyed me like crazy. Since it was summer i was able to avoid him enough to avoid going back with him. Nothing happened with the girl and it eventualy became old news. However, when the school year began i could no longer avoid him. So we started dating again. My boyfriend and my bestfriend have known each other for 6 years, 2 years longer than i have know him and 3 years longer than i have known her. Since the year i met her i have thought she had a thing for him....and vica versa. Since nothing ever came of it adn both denied it, it slipped my mind and me and him started dating. While we were dating something happened that brought back that old feeling. I tried to fight it but i couldnt seem to... once it happened all the clues i had been ignoring became more obvious. So i broke up with him, i didnt want to, but i didnt want to be his second choiceAbout a month later they started dating. It was horrible. Despite the fact that i had hepled get them together i couldnt stand seeing them together. It made me so sad. I just wanted to go in a corner and cry or throw somehting. I started to avoid them both so i wouldnt ahve to see the two together and i got really anti love. I did my best to stop thinking about him but it wasnt really helping. Finaly, one of my other friends noticed i was acting funny and tried to figure out the reason. She figured it had something to do with my new anti love attitude and so we got into an argument about that. We were taklin and stuff and she was getting on my nerves (when i get amd i tend to babble without thinkin about what im saying). Finaly i say "No ill fall in love and he'll fall in love with my best friend instead" She finaly got what i had been trying to deny for the past month, even to myself. Not long after that my ex found out that i still liked him becuase of my friend. We got back together 2 days before christmas and have been going strong ever since, and i have no desire to break up with himSo on to my question.....What changed? How is it that it means so much more to me this time around. I literaly cant imagine what my life would be like without him and i have no desire to find out either. Is it possible that watching him with her was enough to scare away my fear of commitment? That it made me realise that i dont want a world that hes not in?
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best friend, broke up, christmas, got back together, my ex, no desire Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Joshgw22 +, writes (4 March 2009):
 I think you have a problem communicating your real feelings and substitute words with actions. for example: you didnt want him to be his second choice so you broke it off; tell me if im on the right track or not, but is it possible that instead of telling him how your that youre feeling like hes not as interested in you as other girls and working out a solution together that makes your importance to him known to you, you forced that action in him... you want him to show you youre not second best so you break it off leveling the field, he now has a choice you or her, you two get back together and now you don't have any doubts your number one, at least for a while you'll feel better but it will come back to haunt you becouse you made him decide, which doesnt feel as satisfying as him just doing it on his own. Work on being more open with your feelings, your feelings are just as valid as anyone elses and deserved to be heard.
As for what changed... well you said that YOU helped them get together, this resally strikes me as odd behavior for some one to do when they feel so strongly about someone. But only makes me think more that it's not that anything actually changed its that you recieved the affirmation you need about yourself when they split up and you two hooked up. It seems to me that you have very strong feelings for him and hes not giving you the affirmation you need so you set up situations that force the him to.
Don't be afraid to aknowledge your insecurities, or to tell others of them either.
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