A
female
age
41-50,
*ndespair
writes:I have beein in a relationship for twelve years, and have children. My boyfriend and I were having problems and we broke up because of his flirting and he moved out. However we were back sleeping together soon after he moved out and I really thought we were getting back on track, we were getting on better than ever. However a few months ago I found out he was seeing someon else and had been cheating on me for years with this girl, and a few others. He was jumpng out of my bed and into hers. I had been so convinced something was going on that I felt relief to know I hadn't been going mad and it wasnt in my head. I forgave him and took him back he told me he loved me, wanted to marry me, that I was the one he wanted, and I believed him. I thought now that it was all in the open we could get on with things. Since he's been back though he is not happy, a couple of weeks after he was living with me he decided he was leaving us to be with the other girl, but again he changed his mind the next day. He says he loves me, and this other girl. Since then he has sent her gifts, and is always texting her, He says he won't leave me but he can't show me any affection now. I love him so much and I am terrified of losing him and being left on my own. Did I push him too far by putting him out, will he ever love me again. I have no fight left in me and have been knocked for six by this. Am Ii just a fool for trying to salvage my family. There hasn't been a day in the last few months where I haven't been in tears over this. I can't talk to my friends as I feel I have alienated myself from them by taking him back.
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female
reader, ggl777  +, writes (30 October 2008):
I'm really sorry you have to go threw this.. i know how you feel but sometimes we have move on. He is playing with both of you and doesnt try to fix things or try to figure out who he wants because he likes the fact that he can have you both at the same time.
Tell him that you no longer want to be with him until he decides who he wants.
You did nothing to push him away. He had been with this girl long before you kicked him out so its not your fault he found someone.
Concentrate on your kids and try to move on and be happy
hope all this helped best of luck
A
female
reader, Serenity1 +, writes (30 October 2008):
 hello, i hope you don't take this the wrong way but what made your relationship go sour? i know you say that he cheated, but what was missing in your relationship that made him wonder?
i am dating a guy now who has been in a long term relationship for 15yrs on and off. they have no children together, but live together.
he tells me things like they argue more than they have sex, or he's unsure why he still with her. and to read your story helped me understand how you and his gf must really feel.
but my question for you is how can you stay with someone for that long and not be married to them? I mean it's really unbelievable that your not married after 5yrs of commitment let alone 10-15.
im married but seperated, so i never even think of asking him to leave his gf, until im officially divorced. and at the same time i have to wonder do i really want a cheater.
i don't know about the girl that is messing with your man but i'd be willing to be she is younger than him. im 28 and my guy is 40. he seems to be a really good man, but emotionally he seems confused.
ive asked him are you still in love with your gf and he says he doesn't know. which im very appreciative of his honesty. ive read up on it and i guess when me are in late 30's and early 40's the go through an emotional change. thinking they need to live out everything they've ever wanted to do before they get too old and it's too late.
i really feel bad for you because in a since it's people like me that have contributed to the outcome of your relationship, and as woman i can apologize, because i don't wish pain on any one. but to be honest sometimes the guy is the one to blame because the way i see if it wasn;t me it would be someone else. and he's so good he actually talks to me when he's at home and she's there but probably not in the same room. so i can imagine he's been a cheater for a long time.
moreover ive tried to break it off several times and he insisted we have contact. alot of the times when we see each other we don't even have sex. it's like he wants emotional support also, because im thinking what is the point of you woman at home. do you two just live together for convience or lack of wanting to change, routine, etc.?
i don't know if this response will help you any but i just want you to understand that your guy has a mind of his own and if he is emotionally/physically unhappy that's not all your fault that's something he needs to work on within his self. maybe you need to just let him go for a while and date others. i know it'll be hard because your use to having him at home, etc., but you may as well get it out the way. and if he comes back make him marry you. and since you already know he's a cheater they may just be something you have to accept about the man you love everyone has a flaw...trust me
Best Hopes
TF
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): Dear Poster
This guy is playing with your emotions. No matter how difficult this will be, you have to let him go. He is not showing you any love or respect. You are unhappy and miserable in this relationship. You need to cut the ties with this guy.Yes, it will hurt and you will cry but it will get better and you will heal and get over it. At least then you can move forward and start a new life. Now you are living on false hopes and are getting hurt all the time.
Please have some dignity and self respect and dump this guy. You are not that desperate to put up with this type of treatment.
Think of yourself and your children. Think about what all this emotional trauma are doing to them. Get a grip of yourself and move on. If need be go for counseling. Get help to work through your emotions and to improve your self esteem.
This man is destroying you. Your self esteem and self image.
I do have empathy with you for hurting, but I do know that you need to get out of this relationship as it is not good for you or your children.
This guy is using you and playing with you like a rag doll and it is your fault because you allow him.You need to take a firm stand and tell him it is over. No more.
Avoid all contact with him and start new.
Please stop allowing this emotional abuse. Stop being so desperate for him and his "left overs".
Go and have a look at yourself in the mirror. Look yourself in the eyes, put your arms around yourself and give yourself a hug. Say loud to yourself "I love myself" a few times.
The only way to get better is to get rid of this guy. You will physically get ill if you don't. He is breaking you down.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start looking forward to a better future. Rather be alone then to deal with this hurt and humiliation all the time.
Don't delay the agony, do it now, and get it done with.
You deserve much better and you will only be able to find the love, respect and happiness that you deserve once you are free from this man. You will hurt but wounds do heal.
Be strong, lift your head high and do what is necessary.
Keep me posted.
I send you lots of hugs and smiles.
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A
male
reader, cumasoon  +, writes (30 October 2008):
look dont feel empty cause u dont need to they plenty men out there for u and he knows u need him so he will take advantage of u. try not to feel in need for him it makes u weaker towards him. and if u want use him like how his using u . p .s. u better than what u think of urself. and ur frends if they true frends they be there its a good time to see ur true frends family etc
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