A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:couple of years ago I did some experimentation and regret what I did. confessed to my parents about it, which I shouldn’t have and it didn’t go down well. I’m worried I’ve gayed myself permanently and the attraction the females have had for me has disappeared. e.g the hellos and looking and smiling at me.if you confess to something like this. does it gay you completely? I’ve spoken to my psychologist about this and she says it doesn’t make me gay. I don’t know what to think and I don’t like the thought of being that way as I know I’m not.what should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2021): P.S.
No-one can tell you've experimented with men just by looking at you.
I think that's just guilt messing with your mind. You may have experimented out of curiosity, or someone may have seduced you into it. If it's not in you, you won't try it again. You may be told by some to just embrace it; but you don't have to if you don't want to. Not if it just don't come natural to you.
Like I said, just don't try to fool women; if you just feel guilty, and now you regret what you did. There may be people out there who won't keep it a secret; that's why you should be honest with any woman you want to have a serious relationship with. If she has to hear it from someone else; then she will never trust you. If you tell her, and she can't handle it; let her go.
You can't always hide the things you've done in the past; and it's best to take the power out of the hands of others, who could reveal what you don't want known about yourself.
If you've only confessed to your parents, and it didn't go well; you'll just have to allow time to change their feelings. You're an adult now, and your life is your own business. They will have to overcome their prejudices, because everyone has done something they've regretted; and that includes both your own parents. If they're stricken with homophobia, and can't get over that; then love them from a distance, and live your life free of guilt.
Don't feel held hostage to the past. If what you did doesn't come natural to you; experimentation doesn't necessarily draw any conclusions about you. Your parents will come-around; sometimes it takes time to get over the shock. Love will prevail.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2021): We all know who and what kind of person we are in our own heart and minds. We cannot control what other people think or perceive about us. If you came-out to several people as gay; leave it as it is, you can't take it back. If there is a consistent sexual-attraction for men in you; that is an aspect of your personality, but you have every right not to pursue that inclination. You can resist it, and act only on your attraction towards women.
You do not have the right to convince (or marry) some woman you're 100% heterosexual; only to turn-around, and decide you want to go-back to your old-ways!!! Living a lie to manipulate or deceive is low in character.
People judge us according to our behavior and actions. If they don't like you, they will have a distorted prejudiced-opinion of you. You may as well go about your business, and let them believe whatever they like! You now want to tell everyone you're no longer gay. Many will tell people they were going through a phase of confusion, and have realized what their true sexual-orientation is. It's debatable, but this can be true for some people.
You are who you are. You can't stop people, if they don't want to believe you; but it's your life, and you have a right to live it as you choose.
If you are uncertain, and you have had sex with men; do not lie to women, because there are people who will rat you out. That may be the motivation behind the post. If there are male sex-partners out there, I'm afraid you can't convince them you're not gay! At this point, honesty is the best policy. You can lie to others, but you can't lie to yourself!
You can't do a 180, return to the closet, and shut the closet door! Not once you're out to people. Yet you can live a heterosexual-life, void of any sexual-contact with men. That sir, is nobody's business; but your own, and the person you're with. They should know if you have had male-partners in your past; to have the choice to continue any romantic-pursuit with you.
If you've been active in the gay-life, don't you dare lie to women. If you've only been gay-curious, and you've never acted on the feelings; then you're not necessarily gay, or bi. You're human. Wondering what it's like, or having a twinge here or there for a dude, does not make you gay. Once you've crossed the line, don't conjure-up the notion you can go-back and just change everybody's mind! The truth will always out itself!
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A
male
reader, Kofcalifornia +, writes (11 November 2021):
Figure out what you truly desire. Dont fight against it. If you are gay embrace it and if you're not u should be confident you are not because you were brave enough to give it a try. Keep doing you and get over it. Just move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 November 2021):
 No woman whom you haven't told that you have had a sexual experience with men, won't automatically know that you have had those. If you wank around with your head down because you carry some sense of "shame" or whatever it is you are feeling it's pretty likely that people don't try as hard to flirt/engage socially with you.
It's not stamped on your forehead.
My guess is YOU (subconsciously) are not as inviting or engaging with women and thus you are not getting the same level of attention.
Stop beating yourself up for what you did sexually, as long as it was consensual. If you were curious and experimented, it is what it is. You CAN NOT unring a bell. And you CHOSE to ring "THAT" bell.
What does it mean? Well, maybe you are not totally straight? Maybe you are bisexual? Or you were JUST curious. MANY young people are.
Your psychologist is correct ( I think) that you can't "MAKE" yourself gay. OR straight. You are what you are and have the preferences you have.
Regret is like an anchor. You can choose to drag it along with you in life or you can cut the rope, accept what you did and let that anchor sit in the past.
If the experimentation with a man wasn't for you, ok, now you know. If you regret it, learn from that regret, accept it and move on.
Everyone has done something they regret. It's reality.
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