A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My on-again, off-again bf and I started talking again a few weeks ago and things were going well until a few days ago. I moved cross-country a few months ago to help out with my family, which hurt our relationship once he changed his mind about moving with me. The other day my grandmother got a terminal diagnosis and I really wanted to talk to him for some comfort and understanding. When he's not working or sleeping, he is always hanging out with his friends, getting drunk, partying, etc. and our conversations are obviously limited to texting or talking when he is either around other people or taking a few minutes to step outside the bar and call me. Needless to say, it's not an environment conducive to long or meaningful discussions. The other day, we texted back and forth and I told him to call me when he got home from work. He said he had to be up early so he would probably just go directly home after work and call me then. He texted me a few hours later saying he was at a friend's house and that he would call me when he went home after that. He then called me a few hours later from outside the bar he went to and said he would be leaving soon to go to another friend's house to continue partying and he would be staying the night there. I told him I had something serious to talk to him about and he said he would call me as soon as he got there. He didn't. He called me the next afternoon from work and after a bit of phone tag, we talked several hours later while he was hanging outside work, talking to other people. He could tell that I was crying and I told him about my grandma and that I'd been wanting to talk to him about it for days but there was never an appropriate time to bring it up and asked why he didn't call like he said he would the night before (this has been an issue I have brought up to him before) especially since I told him I had something serious to tell him. He got really defensive and said that I wasn't clear enough in telling him how BADLY I needed to talk to him and since I moved away, that I can't expect him to always be there for me since he's off doing his own thing. I was obviously really hurt, especially since moving was really hard for me (I did it because it was the right thing to do) and I am moving back in a few weeks, mostly for him, yet he continues to hold a grudge against me for abandoning him. After our argument, I ended up feeling more depressed than before. I felt bad that I probably overreacted which caused us to fight, so I texted him that I should have made it more clear to him how important it was for me to talk to him and that I behaved emotionally and I shouldn't have, but that I wish he would have been more sensitive to my feelings. He never responded. He is the type to employ the silent treatment when he is upset and I am the one to step forward and make amends, even when we are both wrong (although I'm usually the only one to admit fault in any way). This seems like really immature and selfish behavior (and I sometimes feel like a doormat), but I do know that he feels really hurt that I moved away, and our argument was on Veterans Day which is a very hard day for him, being ex-military and all so he was probably emotionally charged, too. Should I try to contact him and work it out? Is he being a complete d-bag for not being supportive and arguing with me when I'm already going through a tough time or is he justified in feeling this way? Do I have a right to be upset that he didn't call me that night? Am I low priority to him or do you think he was just drunk and maybe forgot?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): I don't think your bf loves you the way you thought he loves you. 'coz a man in love will never disappoint you no matter how jerky he is.
To be honest, I also don't think that you owe him an apology. You know that deep in your heart. So why would you make the first move to talk to him? Sometimes we need to have a little pride. i honestly feel so sorry for you, why would you allow yourself to be in a relationship where in your not being appreciated instead being taken for granted.
I dont know you you are, but your bf isn't confusing at all. You know he ain't worth of your time and effort.
The guy your with,is the type of guy that will just give you a headache.
take some aspirin and love yourself.....
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