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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Can you give me a male perspective? I've been dealing with the issue of my brother in law and I having feelings for each other. I've posted questions and I've thought a lot about this but im struggling to imagine the situation from my husbands point of view.My husband is from a muslim country and he's the youngest child of 5 so very spoiled. His father died when he was 14 and his brothers took on a father type roll. Funding his college, sending lots of money to him to travel and enjoy life and they are all musicians. His brothers used to be rich and famous before leaving NYC and getting messed up in the drug world. My husband came here and he found out that the life they were leading is gone. The women his brothers both married left when the money ran out. He now has two older brothers who are barely surviving and dealing with addiction. This has been going steadily down hill the last 15 years.Ten years ago I met my husband. I never cared he had no money. I was looking for religion and I became muslim. I love it. I found my best friend, my love and my religion. I accepted my husband and his family. I've taken care of his brothers at there lowest points. I love his family very much. I spent years with them living with us off and on. My mother in law usually spends 4-6 months out of the year with us. When I first met the family I was not muslim so they all knew me without my hair covered etc. My husbands closest brother who is 3 years older than him went through a divorce with a terrible woman. He lived with us for a year after that. He started developing feelings for me at this time but I was not really aware of this. Im not sure if he had feelings for me before this or not. We moved a few times and I didn't seey brother in law for a year or more. I spent 6 months overseas with my husbands family. After returning home we all lived together again. This time my husband and his brother were getting high together at night. My husband started to tell me to dress sexier. He liked me to look nice when his brother was around. I obliged because I also liked how he looked at me. I didn't flirt with him but he told me many times that I looked good. I loved his attention. I love musicians and my husband quit playing so I talked a lot about music with him. My brother in law tolde back in 2008 that he loved me and wanted me. He was really high one night and I just gave him one hug to calm him down. He was shaking like a leaf and crying. I was scared for him but it wasn't sexual. Just a sister in law comforting her very messed up brother in law.This started a new chapter. I told my husband what happened and it never happened again. We moved out of state again for two years and. My husband and I started talking about threesome during this time. He and I both like the idea although its all just talk. We started talking about his brother being the third one in our threesome. We spent ghe last 4 years talking about it occasionally. Then in Nov 2011 we moved back to the state and started living with my brother in laws again. Since Nov my brother in law has been all we talk about in bed. My husband and I both get so hot from it. My brother in law started texting me, calling me and telling me he loves me. My husband told me what to say each time he texted. When he caled my husband wad listening and writing on paper to tell me what to say. I've never lied or hid my feelings from my husband. I also didn't tell my brother in law how I felt.I feel guilty and sad about the whole situation. I told my husband thatI dont want to talk about him during sex anymore. I still haven't been able to stop thinking about him but atleast we aren't talking about him anymore.So my question is how do u think it makes my husband feel when his brother is in love with his wife? Is he worried I don't love him? I know it makes him hot when his brother tells me he wants me. Is it normal siblings rivalry or what? Do u think he wants his brother to be happy? I have no siblings so I don't know what's normal between brothers. Do u think they will be able to get through this and still be close? How can I help my brother in law get over me? Should my husband tell him that he knows everything or keep pretend ing to know nothing?Thanks for any help with perspective or opinions. Its eating me up inside.
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best friend, divorce, flirt, money, moved out, muslim, sister in law, text, threesome Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo im certain that this isn't the case. My husband and I talk about everything. His brother is at a bad place right now and we are all trying to help him get over using drugs. He has blamed his unrequited love for me as a major factor in his drug abuse. Noone wants that to happen to family. We are all trying to move on and better our lives.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2012): The whole thing is planned with your husband and his brother in law. Your husband doesn't mind, and he's trying to get you to sleep with his brother. If it happens, he may hold it against you or he may not. If you sleep with the brother in law without your husband knowing about it, they will talk about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't done anything with him and I don't plan too. I just want to understand what is going on in their heads. I don't even get why my brother in law would tell me he loves me when he knows I'm married to his little brother. I don't get why my husband wants me to talk about his brother during sex. I don't get the whole thing. I don't know why he asked me to wear makeup and dress sexy when his brother is around. Why does it make my husband hot when I say I want your brother and you? Wouldn't it make most people jealous?? I almost feel like he'd be happy if something happened between me and his brother. I have made up my mind and I wouldn't do anything because I love these men and our family too much to risk hurting. Im working on getting this out of my mind. I'm trying to get my brother in law to enter rehab and start a new chapter. Im just trying to see it from a different point of view.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2012): You are making a big big mistake geting involved with the brother in law. Once that line is crossed you will lose both men forever.
I am also a muslim woman and can tell you, its one thing to talk about it but all togther another thing if you sleep with the brother in law or have a threesom.
You need to keep you feelings in control or u will have a one night stand and be discarded. Brothers will stick together and you will be left out in the cold. Dont participate in this threesom if you value your marriage and peace of mind.
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