A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am so confused and hurt right now.I was texting and chatting with a guy I have known for a long time during lockdown . Wee started flirted and phoned each other he called me his, "wifey" was very forward when he was drinking mostly over text with how attracted to me he was.Then out of the blue this new girl appeared in his life, he became obsessed with her. Like posting and tagging for her attention constant. Few weeks later up pops pictures of him hanging out with her, yeah younger, prettier guess who would blame him. (no effort to meet me was ever made other than texts) apart from one drink that I guess was just mates tbh nothing happend. I keep think though why not me? Was he just using me to chat to because there was no one else?Apart from one drink that I later found out he cut short because she texted him that night and as soon as I was home, he was at her house. Then started telling me he liked her, he was falling for her, could fall in love with her. As though weeks of flirting with me never even happend. It was cutting me to hear but obv I tried to be cool. Fast forward he is now in a full blown relationship with her and I have noticed I'm barely his friend now. A message there and now but very formal and not even as a close friend anymore. Now I wish I spoke up, told him how I felt. Did he even know? Why would he lead me on, was he using me because there was no one else.Was he even ever my friend?It hurts. To lead me on the way he has hurts. Should I even ask him why?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2021): Why on earth are you assuming that he thinks more of this new girl than he did of you? Ok he was using you as a convenience until something better came along. But he is now using her as a convenience, why assume he wants something serious and wants to fall in love? Just because she is younger and prettier and a more attractive convenience? Even if this girl had not come along - and she did you a favour by the way - as you should be able to see now that you were wasting your time on him and it is better to know that sooner rather than later. If it had not been her it would have been someone else. And you could have wasted another year or more on this timewasting guy. The fact he did not make efforts to get closer to you or meet you says a lot, that should have told you that you were wasting your time, way before she came along.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2021): This is an eye-roller!
If this dude/player didn't man-up and ask you out on a serious date, he was just messing you over to get you worked-up. Just trying to get the "juices" flowing. You offered him narcissistic-supply! Massaging his ego, just for getting your attention! You're probably as lovely as the girl in the photo with him!
You're blaming your age? Get outta here! Players don't operate like that. They set you up for the kill on their own time-table. They woo you, and stash you up on a shelf. They make you wait in anticipation; then they come back, just to see how needy and sappy you are. When you're submissive enough; then they come-in for the kill! You came out clean, he didn't get his greasy hands on you! Are you taking notes ladies? This is all for your benefit!!!
He enjoyed knowing he could get a woman all worked-up over him; but never seriously made a definitive approach to let you know he's really interested. Calling you "wifey" is just like using the big "L-word" ploy. It's pouring sugar and gooey sap all over the situation; and cleverly prying your knees apart, and lowering you on your back. Just incase sex is on the table. If not now, maybe sometime in the future. As soon as he got it, he'd slither away, and ghost you like you had the bubonic plague! Just like he did to the girl in the pic you saw! Where's she now? No doubt sulking and infuriated, if not humiliated, with how badly she got played!!!
Girlfriend, he's a teardrop in an ocean of men! You're over 30, and you still don't know a player when you see one? Even worse, you're hurt over this??? It should piss you off, and make you realize what a pile of doggy poop he is.
Shake it off, adjust your skirt, straighten your back, and move on. It ain't worth any thought, or wasted feelings! Get over it, girlfriend! Pick-up your dolls and dishes, and save them for another tea party!
Sweetheart, you've ducked a bullet! God's angels linked hands around you, and kept you off-bounds. Better know when you're blessed!
You had better maintain your dignity!
Don't you dare ask him why! Let me tell you why...because he's a d!ck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2021): Don't even waste your time thinking about him. He clearly knew this girl prior to knowing you.He was probably multiple texting when he was being flirty and loosing the plot with who he was flirting with so just stuck in 'wifey' to fill the gap.You embellished in your own mind what you thought he felt for you but when you met for a drink you both realised you felt nothing.Now you can get back to normality and be grateful that this 'near crush' of yours has removed himself and he is now someone else's problem.You now have the time to meet a realistic partner who will most certainly be the better option for you.Don't wait in the background for 'near crush' as this will impede your future charisma.Drop him and his girlfriend into a zone that is nowhere near 'friend zone.'The zone he is best suited to is : The 'I forgot you existed zone!'
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 June 2021):
 Eh, why waste any more of your time on this one? He was stringing you on from the get-go.
You were the ego stroke he didn't HAVE to invest too much into - going for a drink is about the lowest amount of "investment" you can go... He called you "wifey" because it was easier than remembering your name. And he knew that you would think it CUTE and it would make you stick around while he figured out if he had a chance with the other chick.
Block him on everything, delete his number and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2021): You have known him for a long time and he's never been interested in more than friendly banter?
You pushed for a meet and he met you once and then ran off with her?
Another girl came along and in your words he became, "obsessed" what u mean is he seen her, wanted her and got her.
Sorry but it sounds to me he seen you as a friend to flirt and joke with, but there was nothing there on his part.
If he wanted you then you would be where she is now and by his side.
Men chase what they want, if he made no effort to see you then he never wanted you. Look at how he acted with her to tell you that.
I don't say this to hurt you but to help you move on.
If she leaves him and he comes back to you are you happy to be second choice, that he's only back because there's no one else, what if another girl that he does actually want comes along again? Do you want to be sitting here again?
Please move on from this as he isn't thinking of you and you deserve someone who is.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (3 June 2021):
 Should you ask him why what? Why he had a bit of fun with you during lockdown but decided against taking it further? Why, in the end, he only saw you as a friend? Why he met someone else he preferred?
No, don't give him the satisfaction. Take a deep breath, hold your head high and walk away with dignity. He probably thinks you saw it as a bit of fun to pass the time, the same as he did. Let him think that.
I predict, if/when his current relationship runs its course, he will be in more frequent contact. It is up to you whether you choose to be used in this way again or whether you learn your lesson and keep him at arm's length.
A lesson for the future: if someone wants something serious, they will make the effort to meet up with you pretty quickly, instead of just flirting over text for weeks on end.
Chin up. This one wasn't meant for you. When you meet the right one, you will understand why.
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