A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Its silly, I've been married but I've never really been on a normal "date". I met my ex on the internet - our relationship was somewhat abusive and I was socially isolated for most our relationship so I tend to be socially behind my peers, and even people younger than me.Okay... I'm in college right now, and there is a guy in one of my classes that I've developed feelings for. I suspect the feeling is mutual. The problem is we are both very shy (he has social anxiety disorder and has panic attacks). I tried initiating conversation and that worked well until we were at a party together and I had a little too much to drink and.... well, after that we didn't talk anymore. I don't know what I did or said, but after that we stopped talking. Since then, based on his sudden appearances in places I tend to be at school, I suspect he had been trying to work up the nerve to ask me out. Unfortunately (being shy myself) I haven't made it as easy for him as I could. I'm aware of that and I feel bad for it, but he always approaches me with one of his friends and I find that unnerving.So, I made some friendly overtures on Facebook - that he didn't get until the last day of class we'd have together (oops) and due to weather issues we ended up not having that last day of class together.At this point, I was frustrated so I sent him a message letting him know that I liked him and would like to hang out together some time this summer. I suspect he's been on Facebook and seen my message (some activity showed up) and I haven't heard back from him. I've considered that I might have misread his signals, but I'm pretty sure I haven't.Did I screw up? Should I have let him ask me out in his own time? Or is he just taking time to process this new situation and he'll respond in his own time?I'm starting to feel a bit stupid and foolish for asking him out like that - it seemed like a good idea at the time.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 I don't think it was foolish or stupid to ask him out that way. This is one avenue where you can let him know about your feelings for him .Since he is too shy to ask you out and this is the best way to tell him. The rest is up to him .
Where this relationship will be heading, will depend on how he will respond to your offer. Give him some time and if nothing comes forth, then you need to move on.
A
female
reader, Gridrebel +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Well the ball is in his court. Maybe have some "lighter" facebook encounters with him. Don't pressure him but do provide questions or comments showing genuine interest in him other than romantically. If after a few attempts to encourage communication with him fail, I would move on. For future reference, maybe no alcohol on first dates :)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 May 2010):
 You did the right thing by being direct with him. You're 30-35, and I suspect the guy is about the same age you are. At this point in life, it's good to not play games. He has social anxiety disorder or what have you, and by now, he should have gotten some training/medication to help deal with other people. It's not fair to go disappear for a year while he freaks out over your attention.
Remember too that he's not the only guy out there. Just because you were in an online/abusive relationship doesn't make you less socially developped or in any way relationally handicapped. You just need to go out there and look where the guys are. It's like buying shoes, how can you get a good pair of shoes unless you go shopping for them!
And don't focus on what you don't have either. You're back in school, so you're obviously bettering yourself. Why not hone some people skills and go out to a singles group, or a good interest, or an online message board (be careful about who you meet on the latter, but I'm thinking you're online savvy!).
Back to this particular guy: Instead of Facebook, why not find him in person and talk to him face to face, where he can't go crawl away? Facebook is not a good place to ask someone out anyways!
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