A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Met this great girl from an online dating site. We met up for a walk and she adjusted her lipstick at the end and waited expectantly near her bus stop. I wasn't comfortable. This was the first time I saw this girl face to face and I really wasn't comfortable kissing her...it all seemed even newer than a first date.That must not have gone well. I suggested a date and she replied that she didn't know if she was free. I told her that I'd like to see her again and she replied that yes, we will...but nothing more.I like this girl. I just wasn't comfortable kissing after our first meeting. Did I mess all this up? Anyway of saving this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): Who says not kissing her had anything to do with it? If she's put off by that then you might be more comfortable with someone else. Ask her how she thought the date went, tell her you liked her and see what happens.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): Well we were supposed to meet today and I haven't heard back from here so there goes that haha :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): No no if she said taht she would like to meet again that is a good sign. However, maybe you could explain on line to her if you feel the need, that you do like her but as that was your first meeting in person that you found it more comfortable to go slowly
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (6 June 2009):
I think you're looking for explanations in the wrong places. And, I don't think you messed things up by anything you did.
I'm actually rather impressed that you did NOT kiss her, because it didn't seem right to you - even though she might have expected it (or, at least tolerated it). It took some courage to write your explanation in your post! Even if she was only looking for a socially acceptable, perfunctory, kiss I think you acted correctly because kisses are more meaningful than that to you.
Some folks are kiss-on-the-first-date types; and some aren't. It so happens that I myself was 22 when I kissed a girl on the first date. That was the first, and last time I did that - she has been my wife for almost 35 years now. In fact, it wasn't just our first date, it was the first day that we ever laid eyes on each other. But . . . we had been writing to each other (real letters, on real paper) about 2 - 3 times a week for 3 months before we met.
If she's dropping you because she didn't get muchas smooches on the first date, she's probably not a good match for you. You probably place much more value on your emotions, and on your sexuality, than she does.
If you're still attracted to this girl I'd suggest maintaining contact in a friendly, non-dating way. Rather than ask her for a "date" per se, invite her to join you and some of your friends when you go to a ballgame, or just get together to grill a few burgers. She may come around and warm up to you - or she may not. But you can be sure that it's not because you didn't kiss her.
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