A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 30 year old man and I recently went out on a first date with a 34 year old woman. I had a great time. The next morning, I need to leave to teach a day long rock climbing course (i.e., no cell coverage) and I text her beforehand to say that I had a great time last night, that I'd like to see her again, and I suggest a date activity next weekend (one of her interests). When I return in the evening, I read her reply that she also had a good time, wishes me a good day, and make no mention of wanting to see me again. When women want to see me again, they show interest, it's that simple. I still need to confirm so I call her the next morning, get her voicemail and leave a message that I hope she's having a good weekend. I don't get a call back but a text the next day stating that she couldn't call me back yesterday, that she had a low key weekend, asking me how my weekend was, and stating that she is on her way to having coffee with a coworker. I really couldn't care less that that she's drinking coffee when all I can see is the glaring absence of any mention of wanting to meet again. Now I'm extremely confident things are dead, I promptly answer her question and then wish her all the best. I file her away in my mind as a "fade away".Perhaps I was too prompt... Is this one of those scenarios where women are bewildered as to why the man suggests a second date and then turns around 2 days later and wishes them all the best? If it is and yours truly messed it up, please tell me so that I can learn from the experience and your kind guidance.
View related questions:
co-worker, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 May 2015):
 Yes, the reaction is likely to be 50/50 : half huge relief that the guy got the hint, half a pang of guilt for having disapponted him. Or maybe... 70/30 ?... don't forget that, as another poster mentions, current dating etiquette ( particularly for people on dating sites ) allows for multiple dating AND the attempt to juggle several balls in the air at the same time. You don't have accept being juggled, of course,- yet you can't blame
( too much ) somebody for trying....
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (26 May 2015):
 Yep... I think if she was interested, she'd have jumped at the opportunity for a second date as opposed to replying to every part of your message besides that one. You did nothing out of line and I think most women would genuinely appreciate that kind of honesty after a first date, rather than the guy who wants to see them again but waits three days to say so as a sort of mind game. So don't let this one sour you on being straightforward.
As for her reaction, it's likely a combination of both - glad you got the hint and didn't press the issue, and knowledge that running into you in the future is likely to be awkward BECAUSE she wasn't straightforward with you.
Good luck and best wishes!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): I don't know if she is that not interested but this is how I act when I am not sure what to do with a guy. Have a feeling that she is dating someone else or may be few guys at the same time.
May be she already planned a weekend with someone else but still doesn't want to let you go because she is not sure who she likes more.
Guys do it all the time, may be sheis one of these women who also does it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had the same reading of her communication. I was 90% sure with her first lukewarm response but, as with any dreadfully ambiguous communication, I still had to confirm with a follow up.
I wonder what it's like on her end. Is she genuinely relieved when the guy "gets it" and has successfully decoded the ambiguity after 2 messages or does she maybe feel a pang of guilt when he does (because he's likely thinking why can't this 34 year old woman communicate like an adult) and dread having to run into him again in the future?
Thank you both for taking the time to respond! I really appreciate it. It has helped me a great deal.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (26 May 2015):
I agree, you did not do anything wrong,- and I think you guess eight, it might be a fade away.
Her response to your clear , inequivocable message suggesting a date activity next wekeend was.. lukewarm at best.
If she had been interested, what's easier than saying, Yey, great idea. Or, if she can't next weekend BUT she does not want to miss out on you, it was also easy to say : Too bad, I can't next weekend, can we reschedule for... ?
Nice and easy, no awkwardness, - served by you on a silver platter. So if she choose to ignore that , it must mean something.
Like, it's a NO but she is tryng to " be nice " and let you down easy. ( LOTS of women have trouble saying a simple : thanks but no thanks ).
Or : she is sort of interested ... maybe... still making up her mind... and trying to keep you on the back burner just in case.
Obviously you are not obliged to be cool with that : although you can't / should not be mad at a date just because she was not instantly bowled over,- you've got any right to prefer someone who ALREADY knows what she wants ( in this case, you ).
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Honey pie; your perspective is much appreciated.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 May 2015):
 I don't think you did anything "wrong" here. I think might be more of a miscommunication.
If you are INTERESTED in her, ask her out (date, activity & time) and if she DOESN'T acknowledges the request, I would wish her good luck in her future endeavors. And after that, I'd delete he number and try another woman.
...............................
|
