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female
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anonymous
writes: k so here it is....my sons father fell in love with me while he was with his fiance that he's been with for 3 yrs. i ignoreded him for about a week and a half cuz i wasn't gonna be a third party so he left her, cuz he couldn't stop thinking about me. now he can't stop thinking about her, he says he's now not sure what he wants. he hasn't talked to her since but can't stand that i wouldn't talk to him. i saked him if it was comfort and security with her and he said that that's what it was. it's been a week that he left her and says he still misses her as much as last week. he cried about leaving her to me. that hurt. it's been about a month that he's saying he's not sure what he wants. so finally i drew the line. i emailed him to say he's got two weeks to decide and i'm giving him his space till than and after that if i don't here from him i'm just going to move on. do you think i made the right choise on giving him an ultimadum?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2006): Leaving someone you've been with for such a long time is incredibly scary. Especially if you are choosing to leave them for somebody else because there are so many questions left up in the air, such as "did I make the right decision?" Or "Am I going to be happier with this new person?" And I think it's very normal for him to be feeling this way at this point; especially since they were engaged. I think it's normal for him to be confused because he had been with his fiance for 3 years. That's a long time to be with someone, and that's a lot of attachment that is developed. So leaving her would be hard due to comfort and security reasons, like you said. And that is hard to get past. I think you did the right thing by giving him his space and time to think things over. That's really fair of you. But I don't know about an altimatum. Because that puts a lot of pressure on him, and that might push him in the other direction than you want him to go. I know you want an answer, but to some degree, I think you should support him in a confusing time. Love has no boundries.
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female
reader, bonym  +, writes (29 April 2006):
 Of course you made the right choice, this guy has issues. He clearly doesnt have a clue what he wants and its good to know that you have told him straight, no messing,I admire that, if only more women could have your boldness. He clearly thinks far too much, if it aint you its her, if it aint her its you, the man has issues, leave him to sort out his confused head, meanwhile you are better without that griecf. xXx
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female
reader, chachacha +, writes (28 April 2006):
yes
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female
reader, prttymtlkitty +, writes (28 April 2006):
 I definately think you did, but there is still no way to know if he is still seeing her for emotional support during these two weeks. Since you are the absent party, he will be feeling for you the most in those 2 weeks. If so, it may still not be an accruate measure of his feelings in comparision to the other. Even if he chooses you in the end and lets go of the other person, you could end up in the same boat with him yerning for the other one. This guy needs time and lots of it. Chances are he also has mixed emotions with what his heart feels, saving face and having to hurt either one of you. Its a terrible place to be, that probably commitment issues got him to be. Can he bare the consequences of not saving face? Then if he does save face can he bare not to be with whom owns his heart? Its best to let it lie for now until he sorts all this out. You two have a child together and you need to keep it healthy for the child's sake as well. Putting your child first is never not the right choice. Good for you!
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (28 April 2006):
 Absolutely you have to draw the line! Give the man a chance to get his act together as it all sounds like a traumatic couple of weeks, but make sure you don't get caught up in a love triangle. Approach him with caution if he is feeling mixed up...but try to stay friendly for your son's sake if nothing else.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2006): Yes, definately. He has to decide what he wants. I would have perhaps done it over the phone as opposed to email, but yes, I would have definately given him an ultimatum.
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