| A
female
,
*itygirl
writes: I just broke up with my beau after 2 1/2 yrs. I am 38 and he is 37. We had a wonderful relationship but I gave him the ultimatium and he just can't commit. I am devestated. He said he has to think about it and he will call me. It has been almost 3 weeks and no call. I am assuming he said he would call just to not hurt my feelings. I am so lost and not sure what to do. I feel like I have made a big mistake. We had such a great thing going. I don't want to call so I can give him some space. Questions: 1. Did I do the right thing? How long do I wait before I have to move on with my life?
View related questions:
broke up, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (13 December 2005):
 Ok, you had this relationship for over 2 years and i guess you thought,was it going anywhere? Was your man just happy with just dating you and nothing else? Did you feel that that you wanted to take the next step? Relationships are like battlegrounds,one partner wants more then the other,and then the conflicts begin when the other person steps back.You told him you wanted more,he listened and decided he couldnt give you more.Now he hasnt called you for three weeks,it does sound that he has made up his mind and the longer it goes on the obvious it is.He might have a change of heart but dont bank on it.I suggest you move on because,even though it hurts like hell,he wasnt the man for you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2005):
Well were you just game playing with ultimatum?
Or did you really think that there was a dichotomy where you really thought that you needed a commitment to continue the relationship?
If you were gaming playing then, oops, you made a mistake. If you really thought it was all or nothing, then you have your answer even if its not one you like...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2005): I'm sorry this has happened to you and your bf. Being in a state of confused limbo is a rough place to dwell—all those uncertainties and self-doubts. I always say, don't use ultimatums unless you are prepared to follow through on your threats. But orders and ultimatums can no more build trust between two people than infidelity does. Ultimatums are emotional blackmail, to my way of thinking, are deadly to intimacy and trust-it's a toxic, unhealthy way of using something emotional to get one's own way. An alternative positive behavior should have been to be assertive and ask for what you want, but without the threats and in a clear, loving, mature way. But many people, use ultimatums as a last ditch effort when they feel they have to make someone respond. This was likely you. If he hasn't called you in 3 weeks then it’s time to consider moving forward and getting on with your life. In the future, just remember relationships are about mutual respect and regard for each other. Relationship work best by mutual consent, not by one's ultimatums and decrees. Again, I'm sorry for your heartache...take care, dear.
...............................
|
