A
male
age
36-40,
*jtronics
writes:Hi everyone,I'm not so happy with what's happening between me and my gf (girlfriend), and kinda stuck, and don't know who's fault it is, or is it normal between us. But i guess i just lay it out here so someone might be able to help me with a suitable solution. Here goes,I've been in love with my girlfriend for a year. We both live and work in Australia. Her family is in the US. I care a lot about my gf, and i suppose that's what people do when they are in love. I'm ok when she's not around me, i'm not sort of needy kind of person, but i do miss her a lot when she travels for couple weeks or so away. My gf is older than me but she's unlike anyone i've met before in the way that she's cute, intelligent, and confident. We met, when her boyfriend left her with a broken heart, through a friend that i usually go clubbing with name Andy. Andy and I motivated her a lot to move on with her life. It was ok for me at first to see her still keeping her private stuffs like: picture of her with her bf, his clothing, present. Then, i started to feel weird because they're still there when we were together for 6 months, so we argued... she said:"It's my good memory", and i didn't know what else to say. She often cries in her sleep, or when she talks to her ex on the phone (only when she thought i was asleep, and she were drunk).I know the different between people who really enjoy while they drink, or smoke (i don't smoke), and people who does it to battle their depression. Unfortunately, my gf is the 2rd type. She drinks and smoke whenever she's depressed, or angry. But i take it as her excuse when she tells me that's her only enjoyment in life, the only thing that helps her sleep. We often argue the next day over her bad habit, and solutions for that, but it doesn't seem to help. I wonder if anyone would wanna see their love one to be like that?Next chapter, I don't remember the last time i went to cinema (maybe before i met my gf), because we never hang out (she doesn't wanna hang out and take "resting after work" as an excuse). We often have dinner at her place, and once or twice a week in a restaurant. Oh, We went camping once, visit her close friends interstate 4 times, and my friend every now and then, but that's about it.Last but not least, i hate the feeling of traveling to see her all the time after a year (we live 7km away from each other), and we need to save money, so i discuss with my gf about us moving in. So we argued again, she said she need more time because she feel she's not ready, and i said. Last 2 months, she spent her time with her family in the US, just came back a week ago. We discussed about moving in again, and she told me that she needed more time "again".So, does anybody got any idea about solving our mess? Because i'm very sad, and wanting to leave my gf. Is it wrong for me to have fallen in love with someone like her? Why do i always feel like some one who gives but gets nothing in return ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): leave her if she realises she will come back to you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): To me,and by readng your post..it appears your gf hasn't worked out her strong emotional attachment to her ex-bf, yet. And until she gets there, she will not be ready to give back to you in the way you want. You need to be strong and you must protect yourself emotionally. You always wanted a committed, caring relationship..she needed a 'healing balm' which she tried to find in you. But it's not working..it's leaving you sad and confused.
You've seen her crying over him, you've seen that she doesn't want to give up the past momentos of her relatonship with him. So when one is confronted with that type of prime evidence, why would you want to this relationship to continue?
You both should sit down and discuss exactly what your relationship expectations were. I always think it is a good idea to try to explain what you wanted in this relationship and ask her for complete honesty, in return. My suspcons are, she jumped into a relationship far too fast with you, in order to get over the ex bf. And she had found out, that it's not working. It never does and the fallout of this behavior is someone like you, who gives his heart..is left devastated and hurt.
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