A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 2 years and question if I am married to the wrong man for me. My husband is still near perfect – would never hurt me, takes car of me, has good job/personal ambitions etc. Our dating and engaged relationship was perfect. I had been single for nearly 2 years upon meeting him. I was stable, healthy, and had nothing terribly wrong with my life. He made me happy and I put the man I had fallen for in my past on the back burner. Now that I think back, I know we moved too fast. We were married 15 months after meeting and we were still in our honeymoon stage of the relationship. It was too soon to marry. I love my husband, but for different reasons than my somebody else. I know my somebody else touched my heart many years ago and I have come to understand that it’s for life. I cannot let the thoughts of him go and although I have only spoken with him 2 times since I got married, I think about the conversations again and again. I know this is wrong. I also know it would kill my husband to know the truth, but living in the lie has only caused marital stress. I am at a loss of what to do. If I could just forget about that somebody, I know I can be satisfied with my marriage. Again, my husband is a good man.
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female
reader, spiderwoman30 +, writes (14 February 2009):
There is a reason why you are not with a man that you've fallen in the past, so forget about him. If you have a wonderful man, don't throw him away, not so many good guys are left. You may think that you don't love him now, then you will feel sorry if you let him go.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): Wow!! It's like you just wrote out my life! I am in a VERY similar situation, the only differences being that I KNOW I've never been "in-love" with my husband. I too have a past love that I think of often, not b/c I would ever rekindle it, but b/c I know what real love is supposed to feel like and I do not feel that for my husband! We've been married for almost 10 yrs. and we married after only 5 months of dating. Of course it was for all the wrong reasons. When I had decided I had made a huge mistake and was mustering up the courage to leave, I got pregnant. So now almost 10 yrs. later, we have a 7.5 yr. old son and a 2.5 yr. old daughter. For me, I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I am in lust with a married fireman that goes to the same gym as me and he is all I think about. My husband, like yours, is a wonderful man, and any woman would be lucky to have him. I just cannot make myself feel something that does not exist. I have a $7/hr job with nowhere to go, so how do I leave...with my children? I am the only one that parents them so I could never leave w/out them. Staying, I know I am cheating both myself and my husband. There is no intimacy at all, we are basically best friends romming together. What am I supposed to do? If I were in your situation, I would do whatever you are going to do before their are any kids to complicate your situation any further. From my experience, I don't think you have to question "true" love. If you're already doubting it then maybe he isn't the one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): hrm, i may not be married and i may not be as old but i can tell you one thing. i hav had the same situations with my boyfriend of 2 years, my boyfriend currently wants to get married and he loves me lots he is pure of heart, but like many ppl his mades his mistakes.
even before he didn't. i used to think about my very first BIG BIGGGGGGGGGGG CRUSH! lol.. n how he used to always make feel so needed n loved! or maybe its just the first crush kinda thing, but even to this day every now and then i think about it. its like a photographic memory in my head.
but it becomes less n less everyday, wat i think you should do like i did is to distance urself even more concentrate on ur marriage, do something together and if neccessary u can talk to him bout it and explain to him that ur goin thru a rough patch with urself and u need a lil time to think bout it and that its not his fault
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): Sometimes our minds can play the daftest tricks, we can go over and over a past conversation and pick out the things that we want to hear and remember them, i am not saying that this is the case but i do think you have to put all thoughts of this other person out of your head. You need to put 100% into your marriage and your husband. Try your best to forget what happened in the past and keep moving forward.
take care
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