A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here's my situation. My ex, (and it was a long distance relationship), and I have now been broken up for over 6 months now. We were together for almost a year, and the entire experience has been difficult to say the least. It wasn't a typical breakup and it ended pretty badly. She broke up with me and about a week later was already involved with someone else. During those first 2 months that they were together they went on trips and concerts together, which were all things that we had planned to do together, but went with him instead. Even though she said that there was no one else in her life at the time of the breakup, she managed to be with him only a week after we ended. I don't exactly know how they met, but according to her she met him while she was still involved with me. But I've heard conflicting stories about how they had perhaps dated before me, from mutual friends.Well 6 months later I found out that they've decided to move in together, I was never really over her and hearing this is just tearing my soul apart, even 6 months after. Hearing all this makes me feel like nobody ever really loved me and that I wasn't good enough for her. This was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and seeing her with a new guy has just been heartbreaking. I just can't seem to move on, and it's really frustrating because it seems that her and everyone else in my life are extremely happy. But I'm just stuck in this rut of unhappiness, and adding on the fact that I miss her so much everyday just makes my life very unhappy. I have been in NC for 3 months now ever since she deleted all my contact info like Facebook and Skype. I sent her one last email saying goodbye and that was the last thing that we ever said to each other.During the few months when we were in low contact she had pictures showing her to be really happy, and she told me that she was really happy as well. This was crushing news, and I'm still not over it. I miss her terribly everyday and I dream about her at least a few times a week. And I'm trying my best everyday to try and not remember her.She's had a rough past and her situation was that she was divorced mother of a 3 year old child, and she was 8 years older then me. Her situation never bothered me, but i knew that it would bother some people in my life, specifically my mom and dad. So I never really told them about her whole story. Because I believed that they would never understand that I was happy even though with her situation, and they would constantly pester me about how this relationship was doomed to fail. But i'm a strong believer in Karma and i'm just wondering was it wrong of me not to tell my family that she had a child? or about her past? I only did this to keep everyone happy and to avoid conflicts where conflicts need not to be started. Even though she had a child, I didn't mind it one bit and I was very happy with her. But i knew that my family wouldn't understand. My family is an important part of my life but i thought that they should get to know her better before I introduced them to my family or told them the truth about everything.Sorry for the length but whatever help anyone could offer me would be greatly appreciated.
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broke up, crush, divorce, facebook, her past, long distance, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone thanks for the help with the answers. After listening to what all you guys said, it makes me feel a little bit easier about everything. Me missing her has made me feel very vulnerable these past few months and hearing some positive encouragement has definitely been beneficial.@anonymousI was never ashamed of being with her, but I knew my family would never be happy about her situation. I had a choice to either be honest about everything and face extra levels of stress or everyone to be happy. She understood my situation and there was never a problem with it. If there was a problem relating to that she would've at least brought it up once through the year that we were together. But she never did. She also met my family a few times when she visited me, so I wasn't afraid of showing her off. One of the issues I do remember her bringing up to me on the day she broke up with me was that she didn't like how i considered tattoos as a negative thing. Apparently it was important to her but I explained to her that I would never get one. Just because I think that it makes the body less appealing. However, I did tell her that if she wanted a tattoo then she should get one.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2011): Hi there, i dont believe that its karma.Its just something that unfortunately happens in life, sucks i know but it happens.My bf is currently 18 (19 in september) and i turned 21 last month. I too am in a LDR and Ive lied to my family about his age, Ive said he's 20 because I know they'll frown upon it. As we both get older though age will become totally irrelevant (as it kinda is now) but nontheless it will become more accepting. Ive been with him almost 3 years now and we're still together.I am a believer in karma however but not like that. Little white lies are ok but in my situation and in yours its one of those things that we will come clean about but its all to do with timing.She just moved on...I think maybe because she wanted to do those things now and be with someone physically always, whereas your not there all the time and this new guy is. I worry about that happening in my relationship because sometimes you crave physical attention and you cant have it.I hope you can move on =) and find a nice new girl who you fall in love and care for just as much as you do her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2011): First of I would like to say this is a very difficult situation to deal with and I feel your pain.. That's really tough to go through. But what I would like to know is what was her reason for breaking up with you? prior to her ending the relationship there must of been serious problems.
Maybe the fact that you hid her from the family really affected her. That could make her feel like you were embarrassed about her and she wasn't good enough for your family. She has a child, how did you treat the child? Something caused her to leave and I'm sure there were a lot of red flags that led up to this.. And for her to move on so quickly with this guy means she was already over you long before, she actually broke up with you.
I'm not saying it's your fault she left, but she definitely had her reasons.
Time heals pain.. But you really have to let it go.. You just weren't meant to be..and that is ok. The fact that you weren't proud to bring her to your family, even after 1 yr together says you had mixed feelings about her. You were ashamed of her, otherwise you wouldn't care what people think.. Maybe this guy made her feel more valued and adored. There was something missing with you.. And she chose to walk away and move on. Something wasn't right in the relationship. You need to find someone that's right for you and that you are proud to be with and can take home to your family..
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 April 2011):
 i have to completely agree with honestman. you have no bad karma from all this. you had nothing but genuine intentions with this woman and it sounded like you did nothing but treat her well. and it is true. once a woman has moved on and is over a relationship, there's really no going back. once out of love, it's gone for good. i know it hurts like crazy and it's alarming how one minute it can seem she loved you, then the next she's completely happy with someone else. and it makes you feel horrible about yourself because it's never a good feeling sitting there spending every day gloomy and missing her, while you know she's happy without you. but here's my experience in the area you mentioned...sounds to me like she already met him while you two were together and either cheated or really liked him while you were still technically together. i know it's not what you want to hear, but i'm a female and i know how we work. it's horrible and it's wrong. but she lined him up first before she made the decision to leave you. that's why it all happened so fast and so confusingly for you. until she was sure he was going to be with her, she kept you around. even made you feel loved and appreciated. and when she knew for sure - that's when it happened and it blind-sided you. i know it's painful i've been there and suffered through this myself many times. but you'll be okay in the end and much better off. and some day, you'll look back on this experience, while you're with a new woman who is absolutely perfect for you, and you'll thank god that this happened. because otherwise, how could you have met the woman you're truly supposed to share your life with?
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (2 April 2011):
I don't trust in karma that much. I'm kind of between atheist and Buddhist. Man, get over her. She is now gone. Make a no-contact policy for a while. Avoid seeing her facebook or any other thing. You sound like a very good guy. I bet there are lots of pretty girls around that might even appreciate you.She might have lost interest in you. It doesn't matter what you do... you could buy her a Ferrari or a mansion, and she will still not love you. A girl's feelings are very hard to change, and once you're out, there is no way in. Avoid yourself more suffering. Go to parties, make a new activity like yoga, salsa, hiking, whatever. Move on with your life, and you'll find a good woman on your way.You did right not telling your parents about her hid. Sometimes parents can say stuff that can really make a lot of damage. You tried your best to avoid this damage, and things kept working. Sorry, I don't see any bad karma in here. Your intentions were good, the outcome was just bad.I really hope you find a kind woman!
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