A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dated this man two years ago for 5 months and was utterly in love with him. We had an amazing connection, unlike anything I've felt before or since. We ended it because he had just come out of a serious relationship (he was engaged), which had ended badly, he was depressed and he couldn't commit. We had no contact for about a year. In September, he rang me and told me he was suffering from severe depression and needed support. I decided to be there for him. We started going out as friends, he started therapy. At some point I was worried that we were getting too close (emotionally, not physically) but the friendship seemed to be working out so I let it be.Around February, he was much better, we had become really close, and I thought we were just friends and was quite happy about that. Then, after spending a whole day together, which turned into dinner and lots of wine, we made out. Neither of us had planned this, it was just something that came out naturally when we hugged goodnight.Since then, we have been going out as friends but always end up making out and we've had sex twice. We are still very close, share many things together and sex is only a small part of it. He says that he is closer to me than anyone else, he seeks my company and is attracted to me, but he doesn't know what he wants and he doesn't get the feeling of wanting to be in a relationship. I have told him that I don't want a friend with benefits and that he needs to make up his mind but he can't give me an answer.So, two weeks ago I told him we shouldn't be in touch anymore. He got really upset, telling me that I was choosing the most negative option and that he wanted me in his life. I explained that this situation is really hurting me because I love him and want to be with him, told him he should only call me if he decides he wants to be with me and I left.Did I do the right thing? This man is really important to me and the thought of not having him in my life pains me. But it also pains me to see how amazing we are together and still not in a relationship...
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Sounds like he has commitment problems!
Sometimes, particularly in love and war, when we are faced with a choice, we're forced to decide what is "best." You did what was best.
I'm sorry for your pain, but you are better off without a guy who has commitment issues. People like that cause you to suffer on-going pain in the long run. This guy isn't worth it, in my opinion.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 You did the right thing. It was great that you supported him in his hour of need but it's not fair to you to be in a painful situation. Kudos to you.
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A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (29 June 2009):
Do you feel you did the right thing, or are you having second thoughts and that's why you're writing? I don't mean to be soft when you have clearly acted in order to avoid further hurt down the road and with impressivie maturity.
But, do you miss him? Has any one else come along with whom you have such a good time?
I think that giving him space to sort things out and protect yourself was excellent,
but if you really feel a little ambivalent about it, you could ask him out just for coffee to talk a little more and really make sure you've done the right thing.
Just a thought, but sometimes, just seeing him briefly can make up your mind!
Good luck,
Manya
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (28 June 2009):
 You did the very right thing. The relationship has to go somewhere. I understand you feel pain, maybe severe, but you have done exactly what you had to do.
The world won't end if he doesn't come your way.
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