Did I do the right thing? Could I have done things differently?

A female age 36-40, anonymous writes:

This is not a relationship question. This happened months ago, and I wonder if I have done the right thing. I went on a field trip with people from my college to a medical school. The others seemed hostile towards me to begin with...example:We got to tour the place where we were at and buy our own lunch, and when the guide asked us if we bought our own lunches, I said yes, and that I had a mexican quesadilla for lunch. Someone in the back responded sarcastically with: Good for you. Later on there was to be a dinner that night. It was listed as at 7 pm. We didn't have to go, but I wanted to go. I missed the bus (it left at 6:30), and someone at the hotel offered me a ride to the place. It was a woman who worked at the hotel so I figured that I could trust her. I had also asked beforehand about the time from two women in our group who had both said seven. Anyways, the woman drove me there, and asked if I should notify the guide that I was there. I said yes, and she did. Then later on on the ride back to the hotel he lectured us about being late and being on time. And he acted like he was about to give an example and he kept asking us who was it who was late. No one said anything. He kept looking around and asking and making me feel quite nervous. Finally some guy in the back mumbled something like, "We know, it was so and so." I don't think he heard him, or maybe he did, but he finally shut up and we got off the bus. I was filled with rage. How dare he try to embarrass/call me out/use me as a bad example? So that night I talked with my husband about it on the phone, and my roomate heard me and I talked with her about it as well. So that morning when I woke up early I became filled with rage again. Only this time I confronted the guide who was also a professor at our college in front of everyone who went with us on the bus. Then he spoke his turn. Then he invited the other students to join in. This student said, "Are you bleeding? Are you dying? So what's the problem?" I told her that if she had been the embarrassed one, it would be different. That shut her up. Then a few people called me psycho but not to my face. Then a guy sat beside the girl behind me and said "It's a shame that we have so many sick people going into the medical field." (we were visiting a medical school.)Also this girl who had kept hitting me with her coat during the trip, her friend said to her "I told u she was crazy."(She thinks I'm crazy for fussing out four black girls who were talking behind my back while I was in the same room with them about me, which happened four years ago.) and the girl said "That you did/yeah you sure did tell me she was crazy." (She had kept hitting me with her coat, because I had moved it some when she put it on my seat, then she laughed when she would hit me in the face with her coat, and make stupid comments saying oh im just laughing at myself which I think she should've been doing, but she wasn't) Then the guide "apologized" to me, but then he said awwww so and so needs love, give so and so love everyone. And then the sarcastic replies funneled in. I've never really felt accepted at that school. Whenever I've stood up for myself people have acted like I was a psycho. Not only did this guy not call all of the rooms to let us know when we were leaving, he also didn't have it in the travel plans. He only knocked once on our rooms, and for all I knew that could've been one of the crazy students just knocking on doors for fun. I tried to email him later, but he just said that I misread everything he does and that he called every room and this and this and that. and repeated that I didn't HAVE to go to the dinner. Like I said, he didn't call all of the rooms, if any at all I'm wondering. I am of the belief that no matter what mistake anyone does, they shouldn't be embarrassed for it. When I teach soon, I hope that I never embarrass any of my students, and if I do and didn't know, I would apologize once they told me, but I would mean it. I think that woman coming up to him and letting him know I just got there embarrassed him in front of the other faculty he was with or something, which was why he tried to embarrass me. It just seems like they want us to be in the shadows..by "they" I mean most of the black students at that school. If a white person there stays quiet, and in the back scenes, they are left alone. If they speak up in class when answering a question, or do anything to make themselves stand out alittle, it's like they are hated. Thankfully I don't have long before I'm out of that school. Did I do the right thing? According to him, he did that act because it was a security issue, not because he was trying to embarrass me, and that if I felt that way I should've talked to him in private. I'm not justifying what I did, but I was afraid that if I took that course of action, he might say, "So what?" to me, and I'd have no proof that he said that. Some students actually got so scared by my words, they even had their parents pick them up from SC (where the trip was), when we live in NC. It's like they think of me as a Columbine kid. But I would never come to school with a gun. I just speak my mind. I look shy and quiet, but occasionally I stand up for myself. Maybe sometimes alittle too much or in the wrong way?

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