A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need to know if I did the right thing in breakn it off with my bf of 2 yrs... I believe he has retroactive jealousy.. I've been reading about it and it clrealy sound he has that... my past is a real big issue to him... he constanlty puts me down calls me a cheater a whore and evryname n the book... just bcuz I cheated on my ex husband while married with my ex husband 2 friends... my ex bf says that am only good to cheat and nothing else.. I just couldn't take it anymore he pushed me so far away frm him emotionally.. and I wuz beginning to fight back with my own hurtful words to him.. I just didn't like the direction our relationship wuz heading.. he would say he wuz over my past but something would alwys go wrong and I told him today finially I wuz done with this craziness and that we both desereve better and that I wuz doing wht wuz best for our relationship.....He says its my fault... My ? Is did I do the right thing?Or should I have sticked around to prove to him that our love really is imortant to me and I will nevr do that to him? Thanx
View related questions:
jealous, my ex, puts me down Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 August 2011):
 A partner shouldn't belittle or talk down the other, no matter what. That is not how a lasting and healthy relationship is made, and you shouldn't ever be someone's punching bag. The thing is, if they don't respect you and treat you as their equal, then you shouldn't be with them. You do not deserve to be punished by a man that is supposed to love you, even if you made mistakes in your past. If the man can not treat you with respect and love you, then he is not for you. Simple as that, and yet hard at the same time because you have developed feelings for him. But you must see that it isn't healthy, and the entire point of being in a relationship is to take care of each other and make each other happy! Right? Remember that.
You didn't cheat on HIM, so he has no right to punish you, and you deserve better than him. You weren't the one who needed to prove yourself, because you never betrayed him. He was the one who struggled with your past, and had the issues. He was the one with the insecurities and problems. He was the one who didn't accept you for who you are!
It was the best for YOU to break free. Don't worry about him, he made this mess himself, you never cheated on him or did him wrong. Let him figure out his own life. His problems aren't your problems.
Find a man who knows what respect is, and what it means to accept someone for who they are.
However, as much as we want to be 100% honest with partners, certain things you need to hold back on, simply because they will bring harm. There is no need in telling your partner you cheated on an ex. What happened between you and that ex was between you and that ex. I agree to being honest, but if it is important to you to tell this, then at least wait until the relationship is strong and ready to handle it, and have a solid talk about it.
But, some things there are no point in bringing up. Why would you list up all the mistakes you ever did in your life to someone? What is the point in that? You will not find forgiveness from others, you need to forgive yourself and work on things and not let them happen again. If you can do that, then you're going to be ok. Everyone makes mistakes. Myself included. But no point in broadcasting it, keep it to yourself.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): My impression is you probably never would have gotten along with him very well, so there was probably no point in continuing the relationship. You need to find someone who is not bothered by the fact that you cheated on your husband with two of his friends.
...............................
A
male
reader, clutchcargo +, writes (5 August 2011):
 OP. This site is so valuable with help understanding RJ. It is such a problem because it is so difficult to control. Those who suffer would give anything to rid themselves of the tremendous negative effects the the emotional roller coaster ride that RJ brings with it.
Even those who are committed to their partners and sincerely want to get control have little success. It does not sound like your BF is even at that stage yet so his chances for viewing you in a more positive way are slim and none.
I think you showed real maturity in recognizing this and doing yourself and your bf a big favor by ending it. Keep in mind "it ain't over til it's over" can apply to break ups as well. You might have given him the stimuli to get serious about his problem.
Don't beat yourself up over your past or your decision to leave. Neither one of you have done anything more that deal with life the best way you know how.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (5 August 2011):
 That was not a healthy relationship, so its better that its over. In the future, don't share your sexual past. It is history, learn from your mistakes, and make better choices from now on.
...............................
|
