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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi. Need some positive reinforcement.I'm 30 years old (single, kinda good looking, some would say a catch) and was seeing a girl of 24. We live 150 miles apart, so only saw each other a few times but talked and txt every day, several times a day for three months. We'd known each other for about a year, she worked in a hotel I stayed in regularly for work. We talked and flirted etc then I made my move. Things were perfect apart from the distance; we connected really well and I fell for her but she had just broken up with her boyfriend of 10 months a few weeks before I made my move. He was 35 with 2 kids from a previous relationship. She dumped him because he had cheated on her.Anyway after 3 months he starts phoning her up to get her back and she goes (just before Christmas).I tried to be friendly and offer advice, I tried to warn her off him but to no avail. She said she still loved him. She wants us to talk and remain friends, she called a few times to chat. But..I've decided to cut off all contact with her, because it hurt and after reading some posts on here, realised it was the best thing to do. But it's hard, I need some positive reinforcement to keep me going. Am I doing the right thing or should I talk to her?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (14 January 2006):
 Yes, you did the right thing.
Give yourself time to heal, then you can look at this situation from a less personal perspective. You'll see you did the wisest thing.
Think of the alternative! You'd be hanging on, trying to compete with the other guy, constantly hoping, having hope crushed, hoping some more... Egads. That would have been horrible for you.
Maybe... MAYBE... sometime in future you might feel strong enough to be friends with her, or talk with her, but that's not required. I don't even think it's a particularly good idea. The sum-total of your relationship with her was that you lived a good distance apart, you started to have something good, but she abandoned that to go back to a cheatin' ex.
Remember those facts, and you might conclude -- as I have -- that this young woman was not an ideal partner to you.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (13 January 2006):
 You are definitely doing the right thing! You need time to heal and if you were to resume contact with her it would be harder for you to do that. I am sorry that you are going through this pain, stay strong and it will lessen with time. Good luck.
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