A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I jump to conclusions far too easily. I'm really suspicious of my boyfriend. If he doesn't tell me I'm gorgeous every minute of the day, I immediately think that he doesn't like me and that he's going off me. And if he's not on msn for a day or two I think he's blocked me. And when he says another girl is pretty or that he would like to kiss her, I feel really depressed for the rest of the day. I know I'm just being paranoid, but I can't help feeling this. Is this a personality flaw, or can I help it? Please tell me what to do!!!
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female
reader, chikpea62 +, writes (14 January 2006):
think about what made you interesting to him to begin with. do you have any hobbies? maybe think of something that you can take up if you don't currently have any hobbies. - a night school course, cooking, knitting...stuff that makes you concentrate on anything but him. believe me, i have a boyfriend that has cars on the brain 24/7. i go walking with my 2 dogs, i garden, i do crafts, go for breakfast with some girls that i am close with but i do not sit and stew about it. confidence in itself is VERY sexy. if you know what you like and are good at something, then go with it. don't wait around for someone else to make you happy, you have the potential to decide your own happiness. if you are too available then you can be very boring....and boring is no fun!
good luck and believe in yourself!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2006): you sound like you might be depressed. consider talking about it with your regular doctor next time you can get in for a visit.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (14 January 2006):
 You CAN help feeling this way, and not only that, you're the *only* one who can prevent yourself feeling like that.
One mistake you seem to be making over and over is to make someone else responsible for the way you're feeling. HE has to tell you you're beautiful, HE has to be on messenger, "*I* can't help feeling this way" -- as if someone else could top you feeling something -- etc.
You have to remind yourself that you're responsible for your own emotions. No one else can "make" you feel anything, because you CHOOSE your own response.
So choose to feel gorgeous, because your boyfriend told you that you are. (Just because he didn't tell you today doesn't mean you've changed, does it?) Choose to feel pleased, because your boyfriend looks -- but doesn't touch! -- other girls, since he prefers you. Do you see what I mean?
You sound very insecure right now, so you should also remember that a really great way to drive off a person you like is to demand to be the centre of their universe, all the time.
If you had a wonderful, clever, smart and witty girl friend, you'd get sick of her in a hurry if she never left you alone, and never stopped demanding that you remind her how smart, witty, wonderful and clever she is. Same thing with your boyfriend. What must it be like to be around someone who wants to be reassured constantly, then gets her nose out of joint when you stop to take some "Me" time? Exhausting, I'll bet.
So give your boyfriend a break. How you feel about yourself is up to you. You'll be happier and better company when you start taking some responsibility for your own reactions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2006): Hi this is really strange coz thats how i feel i wonder whether its just me because i get so down and worried, its happening at the minute, i was meant to be goin to his mums with him but their been a death in the family and hes decided to go on his own altho i was really upset but i didnt tell him anyway i rang him and he didnt want to speak i sent a text later askin if he was feelin better anyway he never responded and now im all anxiousxx i hate it iv never been like this in relationships before x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2006): It sounds like you may have some insecurities about yourself. You need his constant reassurance to feel good about yourself. Do you feel unworthy of his courtship? Think about what you can do to boost your self-esteem.
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