A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:well, i am feeling so guilty and i want you guys to give me your opinions.Yesterday i went out with my work colleague (our xmas outing: a lil bit late). We had a meeting before and i didnt want to go for the party after, i said i wouldn't go, we went bowling and dinner. So well i said i wouldn't go. When the meeting was over my friends asked me to go with them, and they gonna drop me. I really didn't want to, but i finally went. My boyfriend got an exams today, he was studying last night. I said i will come back early so that we could be together. He said he needed my support. We got at the bowling club 8.30pm and around 9pm i texted my bf saying i will be back soon. He didn't answer, i rung him and he didn't pick up. i thought he didn't want us to be together. I could feel he was upset when i said i changed my mind about gng with my colleagues. well around 10pm he started ringing me and shouting at me, saying you said you will be back soon.blabla. I was waiting for that friend to drop me, cause she was to go early cause she is pregnant and not feeling too good.I was waiting for her. When he rung and shouted at me i left my colleagues and started walking to the tram stop, when i saw him in the car park waiting for me. he was saying i have been dishonest with him, i should have said i didnt want us to meet up. Thats the first time since we started dating that i went out wihout him.we have been together for more than a year. Last night he send a text saying henceforth he does not want to know what i do with my life.please help, i didn't close my eyes whole night, did i do something wrong by going out. i should have stayed home cause he got an exam, to be here with him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): He over reacts by the whole "don't want to know what you do in your life", but let him cool down before you ask him what he truly means by that. He could be on the verge of breaking up with you, although I think that if this was a one time incident, then he should be able to overlook it.
You shouldn't have gone out with the colleagues. Not because it's not great to go out alone and without your boyfriend, but because you promised him you'd come back home early. You said you'd be back at 9, and you weren't. Once you realized this lady who was gonna drop you off didn't intend to leave early, you should have left on your own, or asked your boyfriend if he could come pick you up.
You had a moment of bad judgment. Learn from the mistake and ask your boyfriend to forgive you. People make mistakes, and we can't walk around being angry all the time, or expecting people to be perfect, no one is. I hope your boyfriend knows this, and I hope you know it too, because undoubtedly he will make mistakes of his own in life, and you will need to forgive him then too.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 February 2010):
There are two issues here. Firstly, you said to him you would be there for him, and he said he needed you. So to do a U-turn was a bit cruel. I know that if you had wanted his support and he had suddenly changed his mind, you would have been hurt. That said, to be honest, he sounds a bit controlling. You've been together for over a year and this is the first time you have gone out without him? That's not healthy at all and is the sign of a seriously insecure man that he has to flip like he did the first time you changed your plans. All right, you were wrong to change your mind at that particular moment when he needed your support. But you might be safer without this guy in your life.
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