A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a complicated situation. A week ago, I met a guy while out, and we ended up hanging out all night (just hanging out). I am 31, and I found out later that he is only 21!!! He is not your typical 21 year old at all, more mature, lives on his own without roommates, works full time, doesn't party a ton, etc. Still, the next day, we went out to brunch, and to the beach, and finished the day watching TV. When he left, he kissed me.Since then, all week we've been talking and texting nonstop. Literally from first thing in the morning until one of us passes out at night. We made plans to hang out again Saturday night.Friday night, I ended up having some free time, so he invited me over to watch a movie, which I did. There was more kidding and hand holding then.Saturday, as planned, he cooked me dinner and then we went out. He was very physical with me while we were out-- kissing, hand holding, etc. I ended up staying over at his place, and we had amazing sex.This morning, everything was fine. I left, and we continued texting for a while. He had plans, and I told him if they changed, to hit me up, and he said ok.Later, I was going somewhere and happened to drive by his house and noticed that his car was there. So I texted him and asked if he was home, could I stop by and get something I forgot. No response. Finally several hours later, he texted me that he had fallen asleep and he was getting ready to leave now, but I could stop by to grab it. He was still getting dressed when I got there, We talked for a min until he was ready to go, and I grabbed my Item. We walked down the stairs together and he gave me a hug and a kiss. I asked him if I was going to hear from him again and he smirked and said "probably". I said "probably?" And he laughed and said "I'll text you."Since then we've messaged a bit on Facebook, but he's not responding as quickly or as much as usual.I'm sure I'm over analyzing, but is he trying to blow me off? It's stupid, because of the age difference, but I kinda like this guy and I will be bummed if I was a one night thing to him. He really doesn't seem like the type to do that, and from what I hear (we have mutual friends) he isn't like that.Still, I feel like something isn't quite right. Is there any potential there? Or did he put all that effort in just to get laid once??
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): Yeah OP, you really need to tone this down. It's only been a week and you're already freaking out, almost stalking his house (I don't believe your just happened to be in the area stuff at all).
Now you're talking about potential after a week, you're freaking out because he isn't all full on still when no one in their right mind would be after a week.
Yes OP something isn't quite right and it's you. You've invested far too much emotion in a guy you only met a week ago, sounds like your heart sunk when he said probably too and that would have been noticeable.
Is there potential? Impossible to say after a week OP, I don't even know why you think there could be when you don't know him. I mean you've even asked friends whether he's like that which may well get back to him and you're really making yourself seem clingy and desperate. Especially seeing as he's only 21 and you're supposed to be the "mature" 31 year old woman.
Seriously you're freaking out over the length of time it takes him to respond to messages and the fact that he's not as full on as he was before you shagged.
Is it just a one night to him? Maybe, but also maybe not but the way you're going it 100% will be as you'll scare him off.
Just chill out and stop sucking the fun out of the whole thing by making it such a huge deal.
The chances of a long term relationship working out with a guy that young are already pretty low, may aswell enjoy yourself and see where it goes. Don't ruin whatever potential there may be by being this clingy, analytical and desperate. Seriously, it's not that big a deal.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): Both women AND men naturally back off if someone is too available or too clingy... It takes the fun of the chase out of it at this early, exciting stage. Honestly I agree with lifton, it's only been a week and you're offering a LOT of yourself to him... Things like saying if his plans fall through, you'll always be ready and available... I hate to say it, we've all done it at dome point and learnt the hard way it's a turn off. Even if I really liked to someone the moment they start getting too clingy, it's just gunna cool things down for me. I don't mean to make you feel bad but I think you made a mistake by sleeping with him only after a week of meeting him! He sounds like mr suave truly, but it's impossible to tell if he's genuinely a nice guy from a week of knowing him... I think you should take it slowly and wait for him to message you. At this stage too much contact will push him away... I would also cool things down by saying you think you rushed into sex the other week and want to slow things down, so no more sex for a while.You don't have an established relationship, so you're technically having NSA sex at this stage... I think you need to cool your feelings off and focus on ther stuff, otherwise you're just gunna end up really hurt. Good luck Xx :)
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 September 2013):
 honestly, i think you need to tone it down a bit. it's only been a week, so just relax and let it run it's natural course. he can probably sense that you're getting a bit on the clingy side, and men can't stand that. and you just happened to drive by his house by coinsidence? lol come on, really?
just relax and stop over-thinking so much. this is where women go wrong. they start freaking out that the guy doesn't like them and analyze every little thing. and in return, it causes them to start acting over-bearing or clingy, and it winds up having the reverse effect of what they're intending. it winds up pushing guys away, when they are intending to make them want to be with them.
it sounds like he likes you. just relax.
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