A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this fella January this year, we went on a few dates, got "officially" together mid February time. Now, at times, he would become irritated if I would spend time with my brother and friends rather than with him, despite the fact that I saw him almost every day. As time went on I realised I saw him more as a friend than a lover, so. I ended the relationship yesterday, we talked on the phone for like, an hour and a half, and that was that. Or, so I thought.As the evening progressed, he absolutely bombarded me with text messages, so much so that they made my phone freeze. He was meant to work that evening, but instead phoned in sick. His boss was not happy as she had planned an evening with her girlfriend. He then went and drunk himself silly almost all night, at the bar he works at, and at various other places. I turned my phone off to his drunken texts because they alarmed me.This morning, I turn the phone on, to see 7 more texts and 12 missed calls. One message said he would be round my flat in 10 min's time. Sure enough, he knocked on the door, me still in my jammies and in bed. I got dressed, invited him in, we talked. Said he has liver damage because of his binge drinking, and that he's been sick and had not slept a wink. He said that he is in love with me and that, because I am the third girlfriend to have finished with him, he was thinking about turning gay. He also gave back the stuff I bought him for his birthday just gone and was thinking of quitting his job in the bar, as they were "reminders of me."Now, I guess what I'm trying to ask is this: am I being presumptious in thinking that he has overreacted? We were together for 2 and a half months. We never had sex or did any sexual acts. I would understand and even expect such a reaction if say, we had been married for 10 or so years. But we were barely an item for 5 minutes. Is he trying to guilt trip me by saying how he binge drunk last night, even though it's damaging his liver, and has made him even sicker? He's 28 and I'm 23.
View related questions:
drunk, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mooh  +, writes (20 April 2012):
Stay strong and don't bend to him! he is trying to control you again on an emotional level! Don't feel sorry for him for your own good and also his own. When he makes his threats/pity things, dont show that you care and try to avoid contact with him. he is trying to still be in your life in any ways possible (even saying he's going to quit his job) to get back with you. The more indifferent you are,the quicker he'll stop doing these desperate things where as if you show that you care, it'll just reinforce that behavior of getting your attention.
If you're worried for him (and thats understandable of course), maybe you can let one of his close friends that he's a mess so that that close-friend is aware of what's going on.
i was in the exact situation: an ex-bf i was with for 3 years that would e.g. make tantrums if i would see friends (or also if i came home 5 mins later then planned from a party). when i broke it off, he went to the length of threatening he would commit suicide (just to get my attention). i didnt bend and get back to him. i told him exactly what i thought (about how childish he was and it was over) and really avoided any contact with him so he can move on (and he eventually did and is doing great now). now im with a bf of 2 years that completes me on an emotional and sexual level.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): Emotional black mail!!
The way he's behaving is just silly,he is hurting a lot at the moment clearly but he can't take it out on you,it's just not fair.
I'd block his number,not answer the door if he calls round & just move on.
Blaming someone for your own actions is immature & attention seeking,you don't need that in your life,cut him lose!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): I would gently end all contact with him. He sounds obsessive to say the least. It is not normal to react in such an extreme way, especially as your relationship was brief and not that intimate. He was too intense when you were going out with him - maybe this is why he can't keep a relationship going, he is too possessive. Be firm in your contact with him that it is over and then cease contact.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Gosh yes he is definitely over-reacting and is being a complete drama queen about it all. He is trying to guilt trip you and trying to emotionally blackmail you - his idea is that if he says all this to you, you will feel so bad you take him back.
You've done the right thing by ending it by the sounds of things, I think he has some problems and you are best off out of it.
You were only together 2 and half months, that was a very short relationship and while it is ok for him to be upset, there was no need to go off the rails like that. Calling in sick would have been ok if he had stayed at home and moped about a bit, but to bombard you will calls and texts, go out and get drunk and then turn up at your house - he has some serious issues I think.
Hopefully now he has given you the stuff you bought him back he might leave you alone, if he doesnt then block his phone number from contacting you (call your mobile phone service provider for this) and dont answer the door if he shows up again.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (18 April 2012):
 He's manipulating this whole situation and making you suffer by seeing him in a state then blaming you for his actions.
Thats unfair.
He has over reacted.
Sure, he could have been in love with you, and his feelings have been hurt and he cant think straight, but thats no reason to blame you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Yes. His behaviour is the classic "guilt trip." IF you fall prey to it, and remain in touch with, or - God forbid - remain an ITEM with, this man... then you will have set yourself up to be the shill for the oft-repeated "relationship" which results in discontent, discord and - often - abuse...
Get out now... and stay out. Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Yes, he is totally overrating. The thing is he doesn't understand why YOU dumped him.
He sounds VERY insecure and immature for a 28 year old.
Threatening to turn gay or destroy his liver is just ridiculous.
Now you say you have been together since January and never had sex or sexual act, has he never tried?
I think YOU were smart in trying to take it slow and figure out if he was right for you, obviously he wasn't.
Tell him to stop texting/calling/showing up. Best thing for him would honestly be to have no contact what so ever.
Sorry, honey - I think you did the right thing in breaking up with him. So, stop beating yourself up.
HE IS responsible for his own actions. Causing liver damage would be on him, after all you didn't pour the drinks into him. Apparently binge drinking is his way of trying to fix things in his head.
...............................
|
