A
female
age
30-35,
*issLoca
writes:Ok so about a year ago my bf of 4 1/2 years went and visited his ex in California. He didnt tell me about this until this past July. The only reason he told me is because we were having relationship problems and we ended up breaking up. He decided to get all the skeletons out of the closet to start fresh again.He says that he and her went bowling together and thats it. He says they didn't kiss or anything like that. His excuse is he wanted to see if there was still anything there between him and her. My question is, Did he sleep with her? I wasn't there so I won't really know what happened between them but he swears he didn't do anything. But how do you go visit an ex that lives like 5 hours away and not do anything? I've talked to about 2 other people about this and they both said that there is no doubt he had sex with her. I need more opinions! Should I just take his word for it and let it go or should I bring up the situation to him again? Please I need advice!
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female
reader, MissLoca +, writes (20 September 2011):
MissLoca is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell honestly, if he did cheat on me then I could forgive him but I would put an end to our relationship. I told him if he ever cheated on me, I would be gone. To this day I know without a doubt in my mind I'll stand by that. So I just really think it's going to drive me crazy. I think about it all the time! I guess, even if he is telling the truth a part of me still doesn't believe it. I kno he can lie right to my face with no problem. He's done it about 3 times or so but everytime I just got that feeling he was lieing I was right! Other than those incidents, I always believed him. I just don't know if I can ever let this go, if I'll ever believe him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): There is really no way for you to ever know. Most of the time, if he felt he HAD to admit it; something had to have happened. That is MOST of the time. Usually, going back to see an ex means they did do SOMETHING. Whether it was a game of bowling, or all out sex the whole night, no one besides him will ever know. So here is the real question. Worst case scenario, if you knew without a doubt that he DID have sex with her...would you be able to forgive him and move on? If the answer is yes, then what does it matter? Don't let it drive you crazy. If the answer is no, then you have to press the issue with him. Ask him questions like, "why would you feel the need to tell me if nothing happened?" and before he answers, tell him. "It was your idea to start fresh, and tell each other all the truths and skeletons, I have some I need to tell you; but I'm not prepared to tell you until you are totally honest with me. And I KNOW you haven't been....so what really happened that night? Tell me, if you want us to move on you have to say it.."I went through something similar with my girlfriend. She went back home to visit family and had "lunch" with her ex boyfriend. Was it just lunch? Or was it a goodbye sex meeting? I will never know...to this date I still don't know. She swears it was just lunch, but really? Calls/texts for 2 weeks just to meet up for lunch?I realized that I loved her. And I made her pay dearly for meeting with him behind my back. She suffered for it. Not because I am an asshole and like to see her suffer, but because that is what was necessary for her to realize that she can't be doing things like that. And she changed. Her demeanor toward me, her actions showed me she was truly sorry. She started cooking for me, cleaning, more loving, everything. So you have to ask yourself. Is he worth it?
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